64 Degrees And Cloudy

How Do You Get Out Of Bed In The Morning

In the morning, I called Paul. Nobody picked up, so I left a message.

"Hey Paul it's Robbie, I uh, I was wondering if you needed a ride today or if you wanted to walk to school. Anyways hope you get this dude, if you don't I'll see you at school."

I threw on my backpack and headed out. As I left I saw my mom sitting at the kitchen table. Her back was to me, but it almost seemed like she was crying. I stood there, watching. It was almost like I wasn't there, and I was watching from some weird other dimension. "Wipe away the tears...please..." I said softly before heading out of the house. My car stunk of cheap booze and cigarettes, but I inhaled that like opium smoke. It was a calming feeling. I turned my car on and drove among the streets, still quiet from the news of two days ago. That gunshot echoed through our town and silenced everyone. It fucking made the world stop.

I passed by Paul's house, but no one was home. Arriving at school I saw Paul, sitting under a tree near the baseball field. I slumped down next to him.

"Hey dude," I said. "Hey," Paul replied. He rubbed his eyes, "got no rest last night thanks to...well you know what".

I nodded and laid down. "He's stuck in my fucking head man...like seeing that room...it stuck in my head like that bullet stuck in his.." Paul continued, "Why did he do it...".

I shrugged, wincing a little. I didn't wanna talk about this. As Paul was about to go on I stopped him. "I don't fucking know man. It's sad to see the kid go but you weren't his friend and he wasn't yours. He never talked to us, never shared lunch with us. He listened to different music and liked different things and he had different demons. He was any normal person, any old teenager, we'll never understand why he fucking did it.." I snapped at Paul. Paul looked at me viciously.

"That's just why it fucks me up Robbie. Cause he was normal. Just like you and me".

I was taken aback at this, and as Paul got up and brushed the dirt off his pants  he kept going.

"If a normal person can shoot themselves in front of a room of thirty people, then we sure as hell can get the demons that'll put us in the same place!"

He turned around and walked away. I snorted a little. As if I was gonna blow my brains out anytime soon. I stayed under the tree to skip first period, going through cigarette after cigarette. Brunch passed. Second period passed. Then third and fourth and then lunch. I didn't wanna get up, and as I fingered the twinkly paper that encased my box of cigarettes and felt it crumple in my hands, I started to wonder what all the big fuss was about getting up and going to a shitty place like school.