64 Degrees And Cloudy

Something Like A Sunbeam

I woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. Another bad dream. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, the chill breeze of the night wrapping around my body. I turned on the light and looked around. It was so quiet, but at the same time like there was an electricity in the air. I knew this feeling. It was the feeling I felt with her.

Well, I used to feel.

Her name's Quinn and she was my chemistry partner last year. Fuckin beautiful. Big brown eyes that looked like whiskey. Bright and frizzy auburn hair and freckles. Not too short and not too tall. She wore a lot of hats and liked big clunky boots or old sneakers. Not super philosophical or extremely intelligent. But she looked at you like she'd been on this earth before.

I used to spend my Monday afternoons with her at the skate park, back when I actually went out and did shit. On Tuesday's we'd study at the library, not actually studying, just pranking the librarian. Wednesdays and Thursdays I'd drive her to guitar lessons. Fridays we spent at the diner with Paul and our collective friend group. The weekend...well usually we drove up to the hills and made out in my car. Among other things.

I fucked up with her. I really did. I don't even know why we ended it. I don't think I wanna remember. One day I just realized I wasn't enough for her. And I guess the day after she realized the same. We didn't break up in person. She called and left a message.

I should've answered. After that day I noticed people were wary. They were colder with me. People kept talking to Quinn and laughed and smiled and it went on and on and on. And I realized that it was all my fault. Why would people keep loving her if she had been a complete asshole.

I had done something wrong. And every time I think about it I wonder if maybe Jeremy had fucked up like I did.

There are times. Just times, when I wish I hadn't woken up in the morning to see her.

I didn't wanna wake up sometimes just to see I'd lost someone so special.