The Boy Who Couldn't Cry

Chapter 1- Welcome to my life

My name is Zach Collins, and this is my story about my life without feeling.

I wanted to feel. I truly did. I wanted to cry as well. But those things were unrealistic wishes at this point.

It all started four years ago, when I was just twelve years old. I had lived in Virginia my whole life. It was a great place. I lived near the beach, I learned how to surf, and I had a great family.

I lived with just my mom and dad. I was an only child, but I liked it that way. I liked the quiet, peaceful life that my parents had set out to achieve. I thought nothing could ruin it. That's where I was wrong.

You see, I had grown up to be the shy type of guy. I normally didn't make friends. I waited for them to come to me. But over the years, I had made some good friends.

Jake Morgan had seen me sitting alone during lunch at St. Stuart High School. I noticed the occasional glance my way throughout that week. I didn't think much of it. I didn't have any friends at the time, but that was fine with me. I had my dog, Gilbert, and my parents of course. I was fine with a simple life. But one day, my peaceful existence entered a path that would change my life forever.

"Hey, man!" Jake sat next to me unexpectedly one day at lunch.

I stared at him and gave a slight smile, and went back to eating my tuna sandwich.

We waited in silence for a few moments, until he said, "My name is Jake. I don't have any friends. I'm actually new here to Virginia. Help a pal out and become my buddy?"

I looked at him mid-bite. He held out his hand and smiled. I put my sandwich down, and we shook. "My name is Zach."

From that moment on, life wasn't so lonely. I hadn't realized how lonely I had been until he entered my life. We became best friends, and made a few other friends along the way.

Isabelle Carter was a total bookworm. She was one of the smartest girls in our class, but was always there for anyone if they needed a hand.

Marcus Litton was a real weird guy. He was always doing something unexpected or thinking outside the box. But he was a nice friend and always watched my back.

Then of course, Jake. He and I were two peas in a pod. We did everything together. Plus, we were both total dare devils, and quite the jokesters as our teachers told us. Partners in crime him and me. We almost drove the teachers to insanity with our shenanigans, but we got fairly good grades anyway.

The four of us hung out every day. We played in the woods often, playing make believe and having daring sword fights with sticks. Even Isabelle joined in from time to time and pulled her nose from out of her book. She was helpful though in showing us some cool fencing tricks.

We also went to the beach sometimes and chased each other as we ran through the waves. It was a good life. But, things change. We all started growing up, and from there, everything went downhill.

It was two years later. Isabelle was given the opportunity to go to a more advanced school, so she moved to New York with her whole family. For a few weeks, it was just me and the guys, until Marcus's dad got offered a new job that paid a lot and moved to Colorado. He promised he'd visit, but he was never able to. We called him from time to time, but we eventually grew apart.

But, Jake was still with me.

"You're not leaving me too, man. Right?" I asked him this one day, worried he too would leave.

"Never, bro. We're partners in crime, and it's going to stay that way." I believed Jake. He said he'd never leave me. Guess what happens next.

It was several months later. We were still close as ever. It had been almost a year since Isabelle and Marcus left. We still went to the woods, but times weren't like they used to be. I missed them.

Eventually, my dog, Gilbert died. He had been my best friend for a time, but he got old, and left me too. Jake stood by my side as my dad tossed the dirt on him. At least Jake would never leave me. Well, at least that's what I'd hoped.

Jake and I got into a fight. It was probably over something stupid, the details are pretty blurry now, but it seemed serious at the time. We had had fights before, but nothing as bad as this. We both said some mean things to each other. He said he hated me and never wanted to see me again. I never did. One day, he just up and left. I never found out where he went. There was no note, no goodbye, no explanation. Nothing. Just like that, he was gone from my life. He left me, just like all the others.

I hadn't minded a quiet, friendless life before, but that was before I had met them. Now, life didn't seem right. I had tried making other friends, but they all left me one way or another too. Some wanted to stay, others ended up hating me in the end. Some tried to stay in contact but grew distant; others wanted nothing to do with me whatsoever.

This is where the story really begins. It's been about two years since Jake left, and once again, I'm alone. Once again, I have no friends. I used to be okay with that. But now I'm not. This is the never-ending circle I have to endure. I make friends, they leave, or we get distant. I didn't like that cycle. It was like some sort of curse, or a cruel joke the world was playing on me, over and over again. I was done trying. I was ready to give up on that hope of not being alone anymore. I used to be okay with it, and I could learn once again. I had to.

My name is Zach Collins, and this is my story about my life without feeling. Welcome to my life.