Shit Journal, where I write shit

My Life Sux ;-;

Whether I am an average, premature female who writes about boy problems or an insensitive bastard who thinks everyone should care about me, now that I think about its kinda both. I legit hate myself for letting something as stupid as one problem with a guy affect my feelings.
Well I guess I kinda deserve a boy who doesn't care. I am not a serious person at all, I make jokes out of anything that bad happens to me. Which is honestly rare! Nothing rarely ever makes me sad. To the fair point I think it's a point advantage to not care, but for some fucking reason I do. 😂 My worse mistake was spending two years with a boy who didn't care about me and I cared too much. He never was really my boyfriend, all he did was make me feel insignificant. Besides those nights i was in the car with him, it was so dark you couldn't see our faces unless we passed a bright post light. The air was never thick or awkward. Whatever we were feeling or thinking we would always say it, for him even it was a quick, "you look like a slut." Rides home with him were different. Out of my entire relationship with him the only time I felt loved was when we were in the car and he looked over at me and say, "Everytime I leave you, it makes me want to be around you more." He would say it, every fucking time and it made me come back. It was like he was playing mind games with me. He knew that was what was making me stay around even though my heart hurt so bad and the desire to get out of the living hell was strong and noticeable.
Jacob never cared about me. He just didn't want to be alone when he was hurting, I wanted the opposite because he was the causing my hurting. I don't think I will ever find a boy who cares about me. I was prone to have a shit love life. Where I glorify every "meaningful" thing that happens, just to find out the guy doesn't give an absolute shit. Having no idea how important things are in my head or how they seem.