Shit Journal, where I write shit

Dibble dabble

It's been months, months without seeing your face and hearing your voice.
I didn't notice how much I was having a great time wallowing in self pity, self pity because no one else would do it, and pitying because I had nothing else to do.
Some people come in your life with amazing intentions, and they fail thinking "it's on me,", That's what you did
It wasn't on you though, you didn't hurt yourself while doing wrong
Every moment, every memory, it was all on me
I drowned myself in pain and fear of being left alone, sooner or later that turned into drowning myself in 3 am tears and no one around to hear me, then it was alcohol.
Thats what it has been like for a while now, I'm drowning and it's like everyone is staring at me thinking I'm fine.
But you see some people come by, they realize I'm drowning and help me out of the water. Sometimes they even give me some sort of blanket and tell me its never gonna happen again. I start to believe them and actually starting to feel relieve. Then when you do something wrong they throw you back into the water and leave you there. Helpless just like before. They will say, "but I helped you that one time." But that blanket doesn't work at the bottom of the ocean and you can't tell me it's okay when I am down here drowning. This is when you realize that no one will forever be there to help you, you can't always rely on some else to get you out of the water because they will always end up throwing you back. Start helping your self to learn how to swim before they next person try's to put you back down.