Unpainted Truths

[ f e a r l e s s]

F E A R L E S S;
A SHORT ONE-SHOT FOR THE BROKEN HEARTED AND FOR THOSE WHO ARE SCARED TOO FEEL TOO MUCH, TO LOVE TOO MUCH FOR LOVE IS BOTH A GIFT AND A POISON

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i am fearless

i am fearless and if you saw how much i act every day and the amount of lies that leave my mouth and how many times i've deceived you? I deserve an Oscar and you deserve an apology, but i am fearless and i am selfish and i do not want to lose you and fearless people are not afraid; not supposed to be afraid, and i am fearless, so i will not apologize.

i take his hand and slip it into his and intertwine our fingers. I stare at them; his hands and mine and i remind myself that i am fearless and fearless people don't have feelings, they're not supposed to feel. i must not be fearless then, because my heart is pounding a tattoo against my ribcage and my mind is racing at a mile a minute, and though i pretend not to hear it., in the loudness of my insides, my mind and my heart, that is all that i can hear. And i'm praying, praying that this beautiful boy beside me does not hear me, cannot hear me, will not hear me; hear what i'm seeing or hearing or feeling.

i do, i do have feelings and i'm feeling fear and i'm seeing him and his confused and worried glance and he's turning his head towards me. i hear him ask what's wrong, and i don't know what's wrong but i taste salt on my lips and a shock goes through me as i realize i'm crying. But i can't cry. i'm fearless.

right?

But i am, i am crying; crying because god, god i'm so screwed, and he leans down and he's kissing the tears away and as he kisses each and every tear, i let him take one of my feelings and when he finishes, i'm feeling less and i'm fearless. But i know in my heart that i'm a coward and i have no doubts now.

and as he smiles gently down at me, he holds me closer to his chest and kisses the crown of my head

and although i've forced my feelings to shut down, i am undoubtedly sure that i am hopelessly and undeniably in love with him.

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small capitalisation on purpose, thank you for reading :)