Jesse

Seven

"Pain is the feeling. Suffering is the effect the pain inflicts. If one can endure pain, one can live without suffering. If one can withstand pain, one can withstand anything. If one can learn to control pain, one can learn to control oneself. "

Control.

"Control" I breathed.

I looked into Jesse's eyes, our eyes locking together in one singular glare.

I had an undeniable flaw, the feeling of having to assert control over everything in my life. I had to find the values and equations to the human races mere existence. At first I thought we were special. Humans. I thought we were here, our special place; earth. For a reason. Every equation is perfectly balanced, if you changed anything by the smallest of numbers, everything would be different. Gravity for example; it holds everything together, it is the one force of attraction, without it planets wouldn't be held together, stars wouldn't be in the sky and our universe wouldn't be suspended in this ever moving nothingness. How can nothingness keep on expanding? How can you base numbers off nothing? How can numbers even exist if you start with nothing?

"Are you ready?" Jesse asked me.

I nodded slowly as he brought the razorblade to my wrist.

We both sat on the edge of my bed, my pink quilt twisting underneath us.

"Wait." I sighed.

"How do I know you will stop when I ask you too?" I asked Jesse.

"Because I'm part of you" Jesse smiled softly.

"You're will, is my will." He bowed his head and he pressed the blade to my flesh.

"Stop Jesse!" I panicked.

But he didn't stop; I felt my skin beginning to give way under the metal.

"You said—" I gasped as I felt the release.

He hushed me as he brought my wrist up to his mouth; he started drinking my life away. I could feel it leaving my veins. Leaving my body.

"Stop." My eyes fluttered to a close as my voice almost became inaudible.

"See." Jesse said.

"All you had to do is really want it to stop." I looked up into his velveteen brown eyes.

He gently rested my wrist in my lap and stood up off the bed.

"I can't stay much longer, neither can you." Jesse said as he turned to me.

"You can't leave me!" I pleaded as I stood up after him.

Jesse side stepped from me, unblocking the view from my mirror. I looked at my reflection in horror.

My blood-stained lips, my own blood danced around my mouth.