// LOVING SOMEONE //

chapter 5

pov: amelia
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It's been three weeks after Meredith's attack and things were going well. Or at least, as well as they could be going. I was able to get myself to meetings and stay with Arizona while I got through some of the hard parts. Arizona took me in and I couldn't be more grateful, talking to her every day and sleeping next to her every night, all the while not putting anything over my sobriety, such as a new relationship. Even though I did feel like this thing between Arizona and I has been getting stronger and maybe while we're still getting to know each other, I have been thinking that I could try and take the next step with her, once I know I've gotten my sobriety in hand and know that I can handle it. After all, the last time I had sex was with a man and now he barely looks at me when we're at work.
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It's Tuesday morning and I know Meredith gets out today. It made me feel better to go see her after getting my thirty-day chip, especially after the last time we spoke we weren't really speaking since I was the only one that could actually talk due to the operation Meredith had to wire her jaw shut. Luckily we came to an understanding. It's tough to love each other but we're family and sometimes it's gonna suck to have to deal with each other.

I stopped by Mer's room before she was released and updated her on Zola, Bailey and Ellis and how Maggie and I have been taking care of them and got a good sitter to take our place when we went to work.

Meredith was skeptical about the fact that I didn't mention whether I had moved back in or not but I told her I hadn't, but I have stayed to get the kids to sleep and waited for Maggie to get home a few times. I didn't want to mention the Arizona situation because I figured it's nothing too serious just yet and it's best to have this one thing for myself without having it be out in the open. Alex came by her room afterward and started packing Mer up to go home.

I ran into Richard after leaving Mer's room and couldn't help but feel bad for however I acted when he found me here that night, weeks ago. I walked up to him, glancing down at my feet from the embarrassment I felt. "Good morning, sir. It's good that I ran into you, I have a few things I wanna say, if that's okay," I didn't know what his reaction might be, then again it's Dr. Webber, a kind and understanding man that just about everyone can trust. "Alright, no problem," he responded, guiding me down the hall to a waiting area where we sat and talked about my reasons for relapsing and how much I regretted falling off the wagon and he listened and understood and forgave me for my actions. Who knew I was surrounded by so many great people that I never really opened my eyes to see before?

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While driving home from my early shift later that afternoon, after everyone was situated, I got a text from Maggie telling me Mer had settled in at home with the kids and everyone was doing well. I was glad and I was even in the mood to head to a meeting before I made it all the way home. I got to the meeting just as it started and felt good to end the session with even more peace of mind.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference," a saying that gave me that extra reassurance that no matter how much I fuck up, I could always get myself back up.

Finally driving home, only being a little after 7 p.m., I decided to stop and pick up dinner for Arizona and I. I shot her a text:

Driving home with dinner, excited to see you :)

She replied shortly after:

Can't wait ;)

At first I chuckled at the idea of Arizona being playfully suggestive with me, it felt great to have someone that I could be silly with, even after she knew all of me. Then, I got a little nervous thinking about how great everything was going and how I was feeling on top of everything and I might just make the move I have been thinking about tonight in order to move us into new ground and make this relationship a real one, whatever that means. I want to be physical with her, I know I'm ready. I pushed the nervousness out of my system and stuffed in the idea that we could actually be even happier and it made me incredibly hopeful.