Public Displays of Affection (boyxboy)

Parties - Chapter Eleven

Travis couldn't sleep. He tried not to think about what had happened. He tried not to think about anything. Sometimes it worked and then sometimes the warmth of Jared's body, his lips, called to him so strongly that it was all he could do to stay in bed, clutching the blankets, trying to push it all away.

Whenever sleep finally took him, it wasn't for long. Travis' alarm blared angrily next to him and he smacked it off, feeling like he had barely closed his eyes.

His mom had made him breakfast already and he picked at it a little, not wanting to worry her.

"You okay?" she asked, eyeing him intently over the top of the paper, her reading glasses perched on the edge of her nose.

"I'm fine," he muttered, and then, before she could properly start to worry he got up to leave. "I have to get to school early to hand in a project."

She didn't press the matter, but Travis could tell she didn't buy it either. It was partially the truth. He did have to leave early, to avoid walking with Jared. He had been doing it all week. If they spent the twenty minute walk alone, it would be kind of hard to not talk at all and Travis was afraid of what Jared would say--and what he would say in return.

He pulled on his jacket and opened the door, stepping out onto his porch at the same moment that the door next to him swung open.

Jared emerged. Their eyes met and Travis felt like his feet glued to the top step, unable to move. Jared shifted awkwardly and then with a determined look, he marched down the step and across to Travis' house, not stopping until he was standing in front of him.

He looked up at Travis and for a moment they stared at each other.

"Come on," Jared finally said. He reached forward and snatched Travis' hand, pulling him down next to him.

Travis' heart skipped all over the place as they began to walk. He wanted to say something but didn't know what to say. After a few quiet minutes, Jared glanced at him with the hint of a smile pulling at his lips, even though it didn't touch his eyes.

"You don't have to avoid me, okay?" he said.

Travis couldn't help but notice that Jared looked as tired as he sounded. His eyes were swollen and red, his skin sallow, his voice rough.

"I'm not," Travis lied.

"We kissed," Jared said as though he hadn't spoken. "Its no big deal. You weren't avoiding me when I was regularly sucking your dick."

Jared spat the words. Travis flinched. He looked away, confusion filling him. Jared was mad. Clearly pissed and yet going out of his way to walk with him. He didn't get it.

A few more minutes passed and each step was like an additional twist in his gut, all of his feeling from the night returning to him. The desire and the want and confusion and regret and Travis felt sick from it.

"Look, we'll just forget about it, okay?" Jared said and this time he sounded desperate more than angry. "We'll forget about everything and just go back to normal."

Travis stopped walking, his heart pounded in his chest and he just wanted to run and avoid everything, but so far, that hadn't been working so he just grit his teeth and said it.

"I can't."

Jared stopped, turned to face him, un-shed tears in his eyes and Travis wanted to look away, but he didn't.

"We went too far," he said. His voice wavered and he swallowed hard before going on. "Last night, and every other time... I can't just forget it or pretend it didn't happen."

Jared's eyes widened, the smallest touch of hope entering his eyes just made Travis' stomach churn even more.

"Trav..." Jared said. He stepped up to him, took both of his hands, warming them, just like last night.

"I regret all of of it," Travis said quietly.

"Why though?" Jared asked gently. "What's so bad about being with me?"

"Nothing," Travis said honestly. "You're perfect."

Jared looked surprised but a smile touched his lips, a real one this time.

"So let's not pretend then," he said. He bit his lip and then leaned forward.

Their lips pressed together, warm and comfortable and calling Travis to do more. He inhaled into it and leaned in closer and then as usual, reality crashed in around him and he pulled back.

This was such a bad idea; standing a block from school, kissing Jared Burns out in the open, like they were a proper couple. Maybe that was what Jared wanted but if they went any further than this, Travis knew, he just knew that Jared would only hurt him. And the way he was feeling about this boy right now... It was going to hurt bad.

"Let's just go to school," he said.

He started walking and Jared followed, giving him questioning looks the whole way but Travis didn't acknowledge him and luckily Jared didn't push it.

They reached the school doors and a voice called Travis' name from the direction of the parking lot. Travis turned to see Lana just as she bounced up the last step to them, then onto her toes to smack a kiss to his lips with a grin.

"Hey sexy," she said.

"Uh--"

She leaned around Travis, grin not dimming as she looked at Jared.

"Did he tell you the news?" she asked, excitement pouring off her every word.

Oh god. Travis actually couldn't watch this. He looked away, physically unable to look at Jared's face.

"Travis got himself a prom date," she said and winked up at him.

A beat passed.

"Congratulations," Jared said, monotonously.

Travis' gaze shot to Jared, unable to help it, and he found those wide green eyes glued to his face, hurt written across every muscle.

And then he turned and walked away. Right back down the steps, his pace speeding as he hit the cement.

Lana raised a brow at Travis.

"I know you're friends with that guy but... why?" she asked hesitantly. And she wasn't really the bitchy type. She just didn't understand.

Travis thought up a million and one answers while his brain fought to catch up to what was happening but he didn't have time to give her any of them.

Travis tore down the steps after his friend.

"Jared!" he shouted and Jared took off, bolting faster than Travis knew he could run.

His feet slowed and Travis let him go. Why the hell was he chasing after him anyway. This was what he wanted, he reminded himself. He wanted Jared to back off because clearly, Travis wasn't very good at creating that distance on his own. He should thank Lana.

In first period, Lana passed him a note, asking if he was coming to some party on Friday. He hadn't heard a word about it but nodded to her absently. She flashed him a dazzling smile and Travis had to force himself to smile back.

Jared didn't come back to school.

For the rest of the day, Travis stared at the empty seat next to him, then at home, he sat by the window, eyes darting outside every time there was movement from next door. Laying in bed, he finally caved and texted Jared; You're still going to help me with that calculus unit test, right?

There was no reply.

~

AN: Please bare with us! only a few chapters left and Travis is finally on the verge of being true to himself ;) fingers crossed that it's not too late!

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