Heat Gauge

Chapter Eleven

Lauren artfully kept herself busy in the kitchen, pretending to fossick through Nikki's takeaway shrine for eatable leftovers, while Nikki ambled back into the lounge room. The late morning sunshine poured in a golden deluge through the windows, soaking the carpet with a buttermilk glow. Nikki paused at the brink of the amber pool, reluctant to step from the shadows of despair into the warm light. She didn't deserve to feel warm ever again.

Nikki skirted the sunlight and curled up on the furthest end of the sofa, folding her legs underneath herself. The manila envelope was rough in her hand. Nikki first ran her gaze over it, and then her fingers, the tips gently skimming the coarse surface. The edges were crisp and pressed. There were no wrinkles or creases anywhere. Lauren had taken good care of it.

The only flaw was revealed when Nikki turned the envelope over. The adhesive hadn't been sealed properly, and a single, thin strip of cellotape held the tongue down. Nikki slid the nail of her thumb underneath it and began to lever it open.

Then she paused. Did she really want to open it? The raw wound in her heart still ached from his betrayal. Adding salt to it would do her no good. Heck, it'd probably send her to a mental ward. Nikki had been through so much heartbreak and pain in her life. Her mother's murder, the emptiness she still felt in her soul because of it. The nowhere relationships with men who thought they were using her when it was Nikki herself who was using them. The twisted sport sex thing she had going with her personal trainer Don. The grief she put herself through loving Rook, the glorious heights he took her to and the long, agonising waiting she did by the phone for him …

Then again, maybe padded walls weren't such a bad thing after all …

The tape gave way with a tiny ripping sound, the only noise that permeated the sleepy silence in Nikki's apartment. She hesitated another heartbeat before slipping the single sheet of uncreased paper from its sheath. Nikki recognised Rook's handwriting instantly.

My dearest Nikki,

I'm writing this letter because I know my time is limited. Safe has my mortal heart always been in your hands.

Bright have the times been that I have spent in your company. On your dreams ride all my hopes, and in your words is my heart's song echoed.

200 things I have left unsaid, and it pains me to leave them so, but I'm afraid I cannot fit all I wish to say in this letter. Twenty-one months in your company cannot be described by mere words. Sea levels have risen and fallen. Breeze has flowed across this great state. Avenue after avenue have passed behind tail lights.

Derelict hearts will not know of this love I feel for you, my darling Nikki. Building upon building have been erected to fill the skyline, but nothing more tangible than your love can ever fill the void in my existence.

Across great oceans would I travel for you. From one white shore to another I would swim if it meant I could forever gaze into your beautiful eyes. Park, do you remember it in the fall with the leaves golden?

Please, remember the good moments and don't remember me for my mistakes. Hurry now, the rest of your life beckons.

I will always love you, Nikki.

Jamie.

With a gentle tap the tears dropped from Nikki's nose and dappled the paper. The hand holding the missive trembled slightly. Sobs wracked her body as she choked on everything she had left unsaid. Suddenly the winter sunshine turned the room to ice.

He was gone. Dead. Like her mother. She would never see him again. And like those last, fleeting moments listening to her dying mother's gasps on the phone line, Nikki would replay the final time she had seen him. When she had told him to go to hell.

She hadn't meant for this to happen. Oh god, if there was anything she could change she would throw herself back into his arms rather than ride that elevator down. In that instant, Nikki Heat forgave Jameson Rook all his sins and felt the desire for justice well in her breast in the empty void his death had rent.

Nikki didn't remember standing. But abruptly she was crossing her apartment and grabbing her coat and bag. She didn't hear Lauren when her friend called from the kitchen. A numb haze had settled over her. She could see her objective – Petrov. In her mind's eye she fixed his chilling mugshot with a lethal determination and her resolve hardened.

She would nail that bastard to the wall if it was the last thing she did.

For Jamie.

For herself.

Nikki was done lying down. It was time to get back up.