Unconditionally

Thoughts

"Mam, excuse po." a gentle voice woke her up from her sleep.

"Ay, hello po." She said and smiled at the nurse who was helping her up.

"Good morning po, I'm Camille. I'll be your nurse from this hour up to 8am." The nurse smiled. "Okay lang po ba maglagay ng suwero?" She motioned on the materials on the bed.

"Hi Camille. Ah, sige po." She smiled and offered her hand. She was used to all the needles and the blood because of the amount of times she's been in the hospital. After the IV was inserted, another person went inside the room.

"Good morning mam." The woman in scrub suit started. "I'm Tricia, for blood extraction po." She continued. Maine just smiled and nodded.

"Sige po mam, I'll go ahead na. Nasa likod niyo po yung "Call" button if ever may kailanganin po kayo, just press it and punta ako agad. Rest well po." Camille said and got ready to leave. "I'll check po your vital signs every 4 hours po ah. And list down niyo po yung I/O niyo po dito." she hands a form. "Dito po yung time, Input, Output. Yun lang po mam. Thank you!"

"Ah, ang dami nun ah!" Maine chuckled and smiled. "Pero kayang kaya yan. Thank you Camille." She smiled and the nurse bid her farewell. Tricia just watched and chuckled before approaching her.

"Mam, ready na po?" She asked.

"Ako pa ba? Uhm!" She rolled up her sleeve and exposed her inner arm. They both laughed. The extraction was quick and Tricia went on to her next patient.

She was left again, at 2am, alone in her room. She took her phone from the bedside table and was greeted with a lot of missed calls and messages from him. She turned her phone off and decided to stop all social media and just live quietly. She reached for her bag and took out a pen and notebook and started writing down.

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"Tama ba yung ginawa ko? Tama ba na saktan ko siya para lang makalimutan niya ako? Pero kung hindi ko yun gagawin, I know for sure, he'd never let go. Siguro selfish yung ginawa ko para sa iba, pero this was the only way I could think of. Marami pang pangarap si RJ at ayokong maging hadlang para maabot niya yun. I will always love him, but I also want him to be happy. Hindi na niya kailangan malaman ang nangyayari sa akin. Pero hopefully, sana, kung pwede pa, mahihintay niya ako... If I get through this."

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She closed her notebook and took out her iPod. She shut herself inside her music bubble and just listened to a couple of songs before falling into dreamland again.

She woke up around noon to the tune blasting in her ear: "I wanna sleep next to you, but that's all I want to do right now." She just stared at the ceiling and a tear escaped her eye. She hurt him but she hurt herself more. She loved him too much and it hurt her to do this to him. To not see him, not talk to him, not be with him. But she did this for him, even if it hurt her more than him, she did this so he can be happy. She sat on the bed and heard the door click. Her sister, Coleen, entered the room with a cake and some flowers.

"Huy Menggay!" She exclaimed. "Buti naman gising ka na." Coleen added and a tall figure standing behind her just watched and smiled.

"Huy ka rin! Kanina pa kayo ni Kuya Mike?" She asked propping herself up so that she was sitting properly.

"Hindi naman. Timing lang na nagising ka pagdating namin." Coleen said then laughed. She placed the cake on the dresser then started fixing the flowers in a vase.

"Kuya upo ka, kararating niyo lang pala. Akala ko naman kanina pa kayong umaga." She said to the guy chuckling at the two.

"Thanks Meng. Ito kasing ate mo, makapagexaggerate wagas eh." He said as he sat on the couch beside the bed. Coleen playfully hit him, "maka-exxag ka naman." And both of them laughed. Maine just watched the two and forced a smile. Looking at the two made her miss him, made her think that what she did was wrong because she needed him. She was so used that he always there for her when she needed him but now she can't even talk to him because of all this and her stupid decision.

"Meng, okay ka lang?" Coleen was sitting on her bed and was holding her hand. "Sorry, alam ko mahirap para sa'yo yung ginawa mo. Pero para sakanya naman yun diba?" Coleen added and a tear escaped her eye. Coleen wiped the tear and hugged her. "You'll get through this. Strong ang Mendoza girls, diba?" Coleen said and she smiled.

"Kaya ko to. Tama ka ate. Strong tayo." She wiped her tears away and smiled. They change the topic and talked about anything under the sun. Coleen and Mike bid their farewell at around 2pm, she missed her ate and all the chitchat they make. She kept thinking about him and she kept on looking at her mobile phone at the table. She kept on reaching for it but then she stops herself midway. She wanted to turn on the television but she knew every news will be about all this. About their break-up, about her disappearance, and the possibility of seeing him, broken. She sighed and just stared at the ceiling a bit more and as she was about to take a nap, someone opened the door.