Confessions of the angels

6

Leo.

After my date with Sabrina I got home and dialed Liv's number immediately.

"I kissed Sabrina," I announced.
"What?!" Liv squealed. "That is so...great,"
"Can I see you tomorrow. I'm gonna need some more advice...a-and this might sound weird but w-when we kissed...y'know for Kickin' It, was I a good kisser?"
"Sure, I'd love to give you advice and catch-up with you a-and you were a...great kisser, awesome in fact...so don't worry,"
"Great thanks Olive. Stay toasty," I hung up.

Awesome in fact...?

Really?

Olivia.

He really was an awesome kisser.

"Who was that Liv?" Ray asked.

"Leo," I smiled.
"He's a good kisser?" Ray wondered.
"Yeah, I mean we've kissed a few times, thanks to Kickin' It,"
"Oh yeah,"

"Look Liv," He sat up straight. "I'm sorry for the way I acted that other day. I get jealous of Leo and honestly you seemed much more interested in Sabrina at your party than you did in me and so I chose to forget about her, her friends and Leo. I apologize and I hope you can forgive me," Ray pleaded.

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him to me.
"Thanks Ray for admitting that, of course I forgive you," I smile.
Suddenly we were both leaning in and before I knew it we were kissing.

I always imagined this moment since we started dating but I imagined feeling an immediate spark. I didn't feel much at all.

I let him kiss me longer although I should be enjoying it more I wasn't.

I felt a spark with Leo.

What? I asked myself.

I had always thought that was just the Kim in me feeling the spark for the Jack in him. It wasn't and he knew that.

What have I done for like 2 to 3 years? Lied to myself, to him? To everyone?

Ray pulled away and smiled at me and I smiled back. It was a guilty smile but because I could act I played it off well.

I couldn't tell this to Ray or Leo or Sabrina. I'd ruin this for everyone...well except for Brad.

What have I done? What am I doing?

I didn't realize Ray kissed my forehead and made his way out but once I came back into focus again he was gone.

I ran to my bathroom and splashed my face over and over again with water.

No Olivia. No. Don't mess everything up for everyone just like you always do.

-

"Leo, please could you come here rather and like right now would be good too," I sighed into the phone.
"O-okay," Leo stuttered and hung up.

I looked into my mirror and realized I had gone pale. I felt like throwing up. I was nervous. I should be. If I don't do what's right everything will go wrong.

I switched on my tv and lay back on my bed. All I did was channel surf with an emotionless look on my face. I ended up not even watching because all I could think of was Ray. Sweet little Ray. Was I going to hurt him or the boy I'd already been hurting for 3 years? Or one one of my best friends too?

I suppose if someone's already hurt you can't make it much worse but-

There was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I groaned.

"Liv?" Leo looked at me like I was about to throw up. Which I still felt like.
"Leo, why do I always fuck everything up?" I said softly.
"What?" Leo asked shutting the door.
"You heard me,"
"You don't," He assured me.
"I don't?"

I got up and walked over to him. I felt like what I was contemplating in my head had taken about an hour but it was just a split-second for me to stop thinking and just do it.

I kissed him. Only for a few seconds despite everything in my mind that made me feel as if time had stopped. It gave neither of us actual time to think.

I pulled away when I felt as if Leo actually realized what was going on.

"How's that for fucking things up?" I went red.
"Olivia?" He sighed with confusion. He sat down on my bed and I joined him.

There was an incredibly long, long silence between us. So long my mom came to check up on us.

"Now I know why you set me and Sabrina up," Leo rubbed his head, staring at the floor.
"Why?" I wondered, not even I knew. I thought it was a fun idea.
"You knew I had a crush on you. You couldn't admit it to yourself that you had a crush on me too. So you dated some guys. You were tired of feeling guilty, even though you didn't know you felt that way. You're subconscious figured that to help your guilt subside, that setting me up with someone else would be a good idea. So you no longer felt guilty that because of your own denial I was alone," Leo explained.

"That or maybe you're in love with....Jack,"

"Woah," I gasped. "You really just figured all that out?"

Leo only nodded.
"You're my best friend Olive. I know you,"
"You really do," I smiled sheepishly.

"What are we gonna do?" I wondered.
"I think this one's on you," Leo sighed.
"Liv, I've loved you since day one...but what you've got to figure out is if your crush could mean you love me too. I'll always love you, so no matter what you choose, I'll always be here, always,"

Always....always?

"No matter where we go, we'll always be connected," I mumbled to myself.

"That's exactly right,"

It really is up to me.

I didn't know it. Until I saw tiny water splotches on my pants that I was crying. I was going to hurt people, regardless of which decision I chose to make.

"Goodbye Jack...I-I mean Leo," I smiled awkwardly.
"Bye Liv," Leo smiled sheepishly, standing up. He saluted me in that two finger kind of way.

"Oh boy," I groaned, self-palming myself and flopping back onto my bed.

-

Hey y'all! Sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER but here ya go...