We are all thinking that she's alive, and that she's just sleeping inside that coffin, but we're actually just believing she is so that the pain that we feel will somehow fade and we will be able to feel whole again. We all just want those eyelashes to open and reveal those shiny blue eyes of hers. I'm the only one who's not crying. I guess I just expected this to happen. I wasn't sad or mad I think. I mean, I guess I am, she is... well... she was my best friend. Do they know everything? Do they know about the posts? About the bullying? About Frederick? About... me? I look behind my shoulder. Are they staring at me? Why are they? It's not my fault, she decided to get rid of her humanity. At least that's what everybody said, but, is it actually true? Would something be different if I got there earlier? Would she still be alive? Is it my fault?
Before I came to the funeral, I heard some girls out of the cemetery saying Skylar was crazy. Like Rick Yancey once said, "You can only call someone crazy if there's someone else who's normal. Like good and evil, if everything was good, then nothing would be good." I got so mad when I heard them. How could I not? What would you do if you heard someone calling your best friend crazy? Yelling at them and let go all of my fury at them seemed like a perfect idea at the time, but then something... someone caught my eye. It was him. I didn't expect him to be here, but, after all, Skylar was his best friend. His gaze went from Skylar's to me. He stared at me with confusion, but I just stared at him longingly. Lowering my head, I walked towards the coffin once again. I'm not going to have another fight with him. Not here in... in... Just thinking that this is my best friend's, practically my sister's funeral, makes me so... There are no words to describe how I feel. Considering Skylar my best friend didn't seem right. She was... is... was..., I'm not sure anymore, my sister. The tears I have kept all along start running down my cheeks. It's just too much now. Seeing him, what he did, the confusion between knowing if this is my fault or not, Frederick's death, and... Skylar's death.The feeling of someone embracing me into a hug from behind is comforting . That scent is so recognizable, and even though I am mad at him... I need this hug so badly. I turn around, and bury my face into his chest. I can't stop crying, but he doesn't care that his sweater will be swelling because of my tears. How come he is always there when I need him. After I calm down a little bit, I lean back and look at him. He stares at me with relief. Did he expect for me to hit him or something? I should, but I won't. Not here, not now. He is the only one supporting me in this moment. Without him, I'll fade to nothing. I glance over my shoulder as he walks me out of the cemetery, and see my sister for the last time. Pale, calm... dead.
He drives me to my house. My mom is in a business trip, and my sister is in San Francisco visiting my aunt. I'm alone, well... I was alone. I get out of Andrew's dark blue Audi, and expect for him to leave, but he doesn't. Instead, he gets out of the car and comes inside with me. We haven't said one word to each other. "I'm sorry." "For what exactly?" "For everything." He touches my shoulder, forcing me to face him. "You can't expect me to forgive you just like that, Andrew. It doesn't work that way. You can't just say you're sorry and expect for everything to be okay between us, because it's not." "I know that, Rachel. I just want to make things right.", he says this while grabbing my hands.This is the first time we have fought in our three years of relationship. He has only slipped once, and besides that, he is the most loyal, caring, and sweet boyfriend I've ever had. I guess I could forgive him, but I will keep him on probation for at least two weeks. "Okay. I forgive you, but you have to promise me you'll never do that again. Ever." He smiles, and pecks my lips. "I promise." We walk to the living room, and watch TV for a couple of hours until Andrew has to leave, even though, he doesn't want to, but his mom needs help to pack some things for her trip. She also needs for him to take her to the airport.
Andrew's family is very small. It's just him and his mom. His mom's parents died when she was eighteen, and she has no siblings. Something that we have in common is that both of our fathers left us when we were little. His mom and him broke every connection with his father's family. His little sister, Sophie, died a couple of months ago. She was diagnosed with Leukemia. Andrew was so devastated, they were really close. She was seven years old. His mother had stayed in the house for an entire week. Crying, screaming... it was terrible. I am about to lock the door when someone opens it again. "You scared me." I laugh uncontrollably. He smiles at my reaction, and says, "Sorry. It's just that I found this on your doorstep. It's from Skylar's parents." He hands a big, heavy box. "Thanks." "Bye. I'll see if I can come back later." I smile at him, and kiss him on the cheek. He walks out the door and I see as he drives off. I walk to my room, and start reading the card at the top of the box.
