Inner ramblings

2 0 1

by RuuRee

by RuuRee

"You're worthless!!"

"A loser!!"

She screamed at me, wild and untamed. Her face red with anger and disgust. Her arms waving wildly as she yelled obscenities at me, each word jabbing at my fragile heart.

She sneered at the tears running down my face. Turned her nose up, as I tried to sniffle quietly, hoping she wouldn't notice.

"You'll never be perfect. Your dirt!! Scum!!! No one loves or cares about you because NO ONE WANTS YOU AROUND!!!"

Her voice was getting louder by the minute, and no matter how hard I pressed my palms to my ears, her shrill voice would not muffle. I squeezed my eyes shut, repeating, hoping, that she would go away.

"Are you listening to me, you worthless piece of shit?!" Her voice dripped with malice, and I shook with the effort to keep my emotions in check.

"You can't do anything right! You shouldn't have been born!"

I couldn't take it. I clenched my fists tightly, blood dripping from my palm where my nails had dug in. I hurt with the effort of trying to keep immobile.

But as her tirade went continued, I couldn't do it anymore.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed. "JUST SHUT UP!!!"

"IM NOT WORTHLESS!!" I started banging my fists, coming into contact with something hard. With each word, and sentence, I banged my fists as hard as I could.

"PEOPLE DO LOVE ME!! IM WANTED!! STOP PUTTING ME DOWN!!! YOUR JUST JEALOUS THAT IM BETTER THAN YOU!!" My fists were bleeding from the damage I was causing but I couldn't feel the pain.

I screamed at the top of my lungs, the sound so inhuman, as my fists continued to pound faster and faster. I didn't feel any pain anymore. I didn't feel the blood pouring down my arms. I didn't feel my bones break.

I just continued to pound until I heard a crack. One after another. I stopped what I was doing and watched as the mirror fell and cracked into many pieces.

She was quiet now. My reflection. My inner me.