*Meet Sama Rasheed, witty, feisty, hot headed, brave and cheeky. She speaks her mind and doesn't care about what others have to say about her. She is lively and talks non stop, eats like a cow and always has a 1oo watt smile ready for the haters. Th...
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My reverie was broken as I felt a slight tap on my shoulder. I looked over to see mom looking concerned.
"What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" she asked softly. I smiled at her in return and squeezed her hand which rested on my shoulder, I nodded at her.
"Aren't you getting late for college today?" she asked again.
"I'm skipping today." I shrugged.
Mom looked at me wide eyed. "But why? Are you not feeling okay?" she asked worry etched on her face. She felt my forehead to see if I had any temperature.
"You feel fine" mom mumbled. I took her hands in mine and looked at her.
"I am skipping today because we are going to Swadive beach today" I whispered, searching her face for any reaction. She just looked at me blankly as a lone tear slipped from her eye.
"Why?" she whispered almost inaudibly. She pulled her hands from mine and put on a grave expression looking me in the eye. I sighed.
"Because I'm not letting you sulk in this house for, forever mom. I'm not going to watch you live like a corpse. Have you looked at yourself lately? Do you even acknowledge our presence anymore? I know, ya Allah—I know how hard it is for you to cope, but don't you see? It's hard for me and dad too. It's so hard for me mom. We shared your womb. For nine whole months, Al'hamdhulillah, we lived inside of you. I have spent 15 years with him mom. If he was sad I'd know without him even saying a word. Don't you see I have lost a part of me too?" my voice broke at the last part as tears pricked my eyes, but I was too stubborn to let them fall freely. By now, tears slipped freely from mom's eyes.
*Al'hamdhulillah- Thank God/ Allah*
"I'm so sorry habibti, so sorry.." she whispered as she embraced me. It had been an year since we lost Sadan, and an year since I last felt safe and cozy in mom's arms. She had shut us out. It was as if we didn't even exist for her. Allah knew how much I grieved the loss of my brother. But I had to be strong. They were the last words he spoke to me before he died.
"Be strong Sammu" His voice echoed everyday in my head over and over again giving me strength to keep moving on without having a major breakdown. After basking in mom's warmth in after almost an year I was reluctant when she pulled away. I wanted to hide myself in her embrace and never face the cold truth of losing my brother. She entwined our fingers and gave me a small smile.
"Let's go and have breakfast. Can't go to the lake without food in our tummy yummys and a packed lunch, or your father will act like a frail Loki" That made me burst in to fits of laughter.
*Loki- Thorreference*
We made our way down the stairs and in to the kitchen where my dad was already seated with a cuppa, he had his head bent down in concentration as he finished the last of the Sudoku. A habit even Sadan had. I smiled sadly.
"Assalaamu'alaikum warahmatullah baba" I smiled at him as I went around and draped my arms around his shoulders.
"Wa'alaikumussalaam warahmatullah habibti" He smiled warmly.
"Who wants some shakshuka?" mom chirped in, happily, but I saw through her façade. She was anything but happy. She was trying, for me. My heart welled up to see my broken mother try to pull through her grief for me.
Dad's brows shot up as, for an year we had made breakfast ourselves. Mom never bothered to make any nor eat what we make for her. She would just stare at a wall blankly and speak only when necessary.
"I must be dreaming, did you switch my qahwah for something else?" Dad shot me a look and rubbed his eyes. Mom swat him playfully on the arm.
*Qahwah- Arabic coffee*
"If you say another word you'll have to go hungry to the lake" she said stiffly.
Dad looked at me wide eyed and I shrugged.
"I'll help" I told mom, I made my way towards the kitchen counter when dad gripped my wrist and looked me in the eye.
"What did you say to her, for her to even consider going with us?" dad asked, barely above a whisper.
"I told her the truth" I answered and dad's brows furrowed in confusion.
"I'll explain later"
Giving him a small smile I went to help mom. Mom still had masked her emotions and looked blank but she was making an effort. If Allah willed we'll pull through. We won't go back to being normal, but we might just end up being happy. In sha Allah.
