4015 days with Sadan.

Memories.

I involuntarily wiped away the tears staining my cheeks as I climbed down my bed. I looked at the picture frame of us one last time before going to the bathroom and splashing water on my face. The last thing I needed today was my parents finding out that I've been grieving. Although it wouldn't be surprising as the strong façade I have got melts down to the lonely and insecure girl inside. I sighed and wiped my face, fixed my hijab squared my shoulders and thrust my chin out stubbornly. I'm not going to let today be any different, I thought as I exited my room. I started descending the stairs as a knowing memory resurfaced. I let the memory consume me and I felt a wistful smile tug at my lips before I surrendered myself to the once suppressed memory.

FLASHBLACK

"Oh my Allah" I cried as I beheld the scene in front of me in horror.

"SADAN" I shrieked at the top of my lungs before spinning around and marching my way to his room. Without bothering to knock I kicked the already opened door ajar with my foot. Sadan was plopped on to the bean bag in a corner of his room playing on his PS. He didn't bother to look up at all the commotion as he continued playing like I didn't just barge in to his room.

"YOU" I spat venomously narrowing my eyes at him. At that his head snapped at me wide eyed as he figured I already saw what he did to my room.

"I'm guessing you already found out my surprise for you. He-he" he laughed nervously before getting up and murmuring 'oh boy' under his breath. Before I could comprehend what was happening he was out the door shoving me- no scratch that, almost like tossing me to the side like a piece of paper and dashed down the staircase shouting "The lion has been woken up. Run for your lives you peasants"

I was already hot on his heals.

"Sadan. You jerk! Just wait till I get my hands on you, you freaking stink bud guacamole!!!!!!!" I yelled.

And thus began our daily fighting routine which usually ends up with us both being yelled at by mom or me sitting on top of Sadan till he apologized or Sadan tripping me and dragging me all around the lawn by my legs yelling "Human lawnmower for sale. Whoop! Whoop!" He thought that was pretty funny. I begged to differ as I was the one being dragged!

I was almost on the verge of grabbing his shirt when my ear was tugged in the other direction painfully. I heard my mom's exasperated voice as she massaged her temples with her other hand.

"Ya Allah, can't I have at least one, ONE FREAKING MORNING WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I'VE WOKEN UP AT THE FISH MARKET RATHER THAN MY OWN HOUSE?" she whisper yelled still holding my ear and twisting it painfully with each of her words.

"Ai..ai ai yaaa!!!" I fake cried hoping she'd loosen her grip. Instead she got annoyed and put more pressure on my already bruised poor ear.

"Not the ear mother. NOT THE EAR" I almost screamed.

By now Sadan had plopped himself on to the bar stool near the kitchen island and regarded us with an amused expression. He held so many emotions at that moment, if it hadn't been for mom and my morning bickering routine I would've given him a reassuring smile.

"He started it!" I whined sending daggers at Sadan who grinned at me and wiggled his eyebrows at me, further fueling my anger.

"Let me at him mamma!" I writhed against my mother's hold on my ears which by now became numb. It's gonna bruise. I sighed inwardly.

My mom loosened her grip on my ear just enough so she could take me by the shoulders and spin me around.

"Sama!" she shook me. "Habibi you're getting older but your childish antics are not taking any name of stopping, are they?" mom she said as her eyes bore in to mine. I shook my head in affirmation for which I got a scowl from my mom.

"I don't expect him to grow up" she said sadly as she looked at Sadan. A look of hurt crossed his features which he covered up by his usual smug look.

"But you..don't you know I'd need you when my world comes crashing down?" she almost whispered, barely for me to be able to hear. Not wanting to continue the conversation with mom in the presence of my brother I nodded curtly at her before plastering a smile on my face and jumping down and hugging my mom's legs.

"Now, PU-LEEZE can we get some breakfast Shaz?"I asked with my signature puppy dog face.

*Shaz is their mother's name.*

"Not before you both go clean up the mess you made, peasants!" mom smirked.

"But...but IT WASN'T ME! I'M THE VICTIM HERE!!! I SHALL AVENGE MYSELF", I shouted only to be met with my mother's glare which made me cower.

"Fine" I huffed slumping my shoulders and I walked with Sadan to go clean my room which HE destroyed. I slapped him on the back of his head and before he could even protest I flicked his forehead. He groaned.

"If you ever mess up my room again, I will kill you. Capish?" I threatened. He just nodded which was unusual since he had a mouth bigger than a whale's and couldn't hold in retorts. He was worse than any celebrity out there defending themselves in front of the paparazzi, but then again, nothing is the usual anymore. Since we came to know the truth about Sadan, everyday has been a struggle. Only Sadan and I act like everything if fine but who are we kidding. Life throws unexpected surprises at you and you just gotta go with the flow.

At that moment all I wanted to do was sit on my praying mat and just pray. Pray to Allah to ease my heart because he is best knowing and he is my best friend.

Oh Allah make me strong and let our problems resolve in the best way possible for us, I thought as I picked up the never ending trails of toilet paper thrown all around my room. I narrowed my eyes at Sadan who was wiping cream from the corner of the room, if I didn't know him well I'd think he was fine but I saw the hurt in his eyes. It always remained but he never showed it. I didn't know when I couldn't fight with him anymore but I knew it was going to be soon. I smiled sadly at him and got on with my work. If Allah wills, he'll make things better for Sadan.