Star Wars One Shots

I Can Feel You - Part 2 - Ben Solo

You and Ben had moved back to his bed after a few minutes of him holding you close to him. You sat, propped up against the headboard, and let him wrap his arms around your waist as he laid at your side. He didn't say anything for a while, he was only lying there taking in the feeling of your fingers in his hair, and the sound of you breathing quietly. You both could sense how the other was feeling, each of you were nervous beyond belief, but you tried your best to hide it from Ben.

"You know I can tell when you're doing that." He mumbled after several minutes of silence. You didn't have to ask, you knew what he was talking about. "I do, but I can't help it." You admit quietly, attempting to keep yourself occupied with his soft hair between your fingers. He laughed lightly, tickling your side in the process "You can help it. Just just are trying to put me at ease." You roll your eyes and look down at him. He knows you just about as well as you know yourself, it really is hard to mask your feelings from him.

"And that's exactly why I'm going to continue this way. I'd like to keep your mind at peace." You finally look down to meet his gaze and blush that you'd been caught -yet again- hiding your feelings from him. It was never something he took lightly. "I wish you wouldn't do that, (Y/N)." You frowned, not liking the idea of letting him feel how nervous you are. That would only make him feel more on edge about you leaving in the morning. "I'm sorry. I just- you already have a lot to deal with. You don't need to focus on this trip more than you're already going to." He sat up and turned to look at you. "(Y/N). My mother has already made it pretty clear there is no chance of me convincing her to not send you. Don't worry about me. I'm just thinking about the fact that you, the woman I love more than anything, is hiding how she is really feeling from me. And about something so big." You had to look away as he spoke, because the only thing running through your mind while he spoke was: You cannot tell him, it will only make things harder in the morning.

"I have to go Ben." You looked at him from the corner of your eye, and see him hang his head. "I know, that has been made very clear. I don't like it, at all, but that's not what I was saying. If you don't want me to know how you feel through the bond, then at least tell me. Please." You looked him over for a second. He didn't seem to be angry you weren't telling him, and he didn't seem like he was on the verge of going to his mothers house and forcing her to let you stay.

"I don't know what to say Ben." You huff. "Do you want me to tell you that I'm scared out of my mind? Not that The First Order will be there, but that you will come looking for me if they are. I know you Ben, and I know you'd leave without a second thought of anything here." You paused for a minute, taking a deep breath in the hopes that it might stop the tears that are already falling down your cheeks. "If they want me, it is only because of our bond. They're not stupid, I'm sure they know and would use that to lure you to them." He stared at you sadly, though you could only feel his urge to stop you from crying.

"I"m sorry, I wish- well no, I don't wish. But if I told you I wouldn't go find you, then I'd be lying to you. I'm not going to do that either." He starst watching you nervously, like you were going to get angry with him if he did anything. "I know Ben. And I'm so grateful that you don't lie to me. But I just wish I wasn't your weakness." You pretended to be neutral about what you'd just said, but it honestly killed you that you were what could make Ben even think of going to their base.

He shook his head quickly, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He pulled you between his legs, and looked you right in the eyes. "You are not my weakness (Y/N), I know you're thinking of what Master Luke said years ago. But you are so far from a weakness to me, you're the reason I'm sane, the reason I haven't given up on my training. And you know better than anyone that you're the reason I haven't let myself be seduced by the him. You are that reason. That doesn't make you a weakness (Y/N), please know that." His voice was so calm, and soothing you couldn't help but calm down slightly. You were still overwhelmed with what you'd just admitted Ben for the first time. You just wanted to be close to him, and have him hold you. As if on cue, he moved to the headboard, and offered for you to rest your head on his chest. You smile gratefully at him and lay your head on him "I love you Ben." You finally speak once you knew your voice wouldn't crack. "I love you so much." You moved your arms around so you were clung to his side.