Tear my flesh, drown my soul [ON HOLD]

- no rest for the restless -

I woke up to the feeling of suffocation. That burning sensation when all you want to do is take a deep inhale but all you're getting is less than you expected. My eyes were shut but even in my desperate attempt to shut it out it crept over me. I knew the moment I opened my eyes things were different, I was different. 

The cold sheets can only stay cooling for so long. The night is my shield, my bed is my armor. I espace to a place where nobody can find me or question me for that matter. "What have you been up to lately?" Not much is my answer, if only I could remember. Recently things have gone downhill and I can't recall how nor why. My guess is as good as yours. You could say that I'm trying to uncover the mystery that is my life or to be more exact my sanity. I've been hearing whispers sometimes even shouting. It happens at night, behind my door.

The mahogany tree is screaming at me, yelling for me to pull it together. I don't know how to, because how are you supposed to fix something that you can't even understand? It goes beyond my imagination. I would give everything to thrive again. I don't remember the last time I felt joy. I used to love mornings. When the sunlight beamed through my silk curtains and greeted my body, I felt alive. Everything is different now.

I see my rotting corpse when daylight hits me. I want to hide in the shadows, stay sheltered forever. My skin has turned pale and the bags under my eyes only seem to grow larger. A mulberry shade of purple screaming exhaustion. Even in my calmest place I can't find rest. My brain is working overtime and my body is paying the price.