Barely Breathing

Chapter 12: She has to go

I JUST WANT TO SAY, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO IS READING MY STORY!! I LOVE YOU ALL!! I FEEL SO BLESSED TO HAVE YOU GUYS READING IT! I ALSO SEE I HAVE ABOUT 4-5 LOYAL READERS WOW. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE ONE! HAHA! SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OF IT SO FAR? DID HER MAKE OVER SURPRISE YOU? WHO DO YOU SHIP MORE? PIAM OR NESLEY? {vote,comment,share}

“Your mine now”, I hear someone whisper in my ear. It’s the same dark figure I see every night. “You fat ass, I thought I told you too starve. You are one worthless bitch you know that? Oh I know you know it; I tell you it every time you fuck up!” I hate when it yells at me. “This is why you are always going to be a FAT, WORTHLESS, PIECE OF SHIT!” He continues to scream, he did it again, I run to my corner and cry. He always comes to me at night, reminding me of what I am. I reach across the dark room and grab my razors; I slowly slice my skin with the sharp blade. “That’s it.” He says satisfied with my resolution, I see him come to beside me and drink he blood leaking from my wrist. I continue to cut, all the way up my arm, it makes the pain go away. The pain is worth it when the shadow leaves me to rest, I continue cutting deeper and deeper, until I fall asleep in my blood.

I wake up abruptly, terrified my by reoccurring dream. I have had it for years and nothing ever changes; it is always the same dark figure telling me how I messed up and I always cut. I can never see his face no matter how much I try, my psychologist tells me it’s the same voice that tells me to not eat, and anyone could figure that out.

I stand up and walk over to my door to check it’s locked, it is. Liam has been coming to my room for the past week making sure that it is and seeing if I was okay, I feel like Niall told him about my vomiting but who cares? I slowly walk into my bathroom and look at myself in the mirror; I still don’t even look like myself. Even though I am not myself, I like my new look. It’s weird, yes, but it’s a good kind of weird. I feel slightly more comfortable with my piercings and tattoos now. They suit me in a way. Niall keeps giving me these strange looks every time he sees me, it a mixture between lust and happiness I think, it makes me uncomfortable so I ignore him.

I can’t help but wonder about my family, I haven’t checked my phone all week due to being busy changing my whole, well, everything. I got all new clothes and my gauges went up to a size 2. What better time to check my phone then now? I know I won’t be going back to bed, he always comes back. I splash water on my face and walk over to my dresser and grab my phone. I turn it on and throw myself on my bed. As soon as it turns on I have eighty texts and twenty missed calls, I ignore the calls and delete them. I then click on my texts and begin to sort through them; twenty from Dad, forty from mom, and twenty from my step dad. I decide to read my dad’s first;

Hey kiddo! Please answer your phone and tell me if you are okay, your mother thinks you are dead, but I refuse to believe it! If you are angry with me I understand, but please come home so we can talk! I love you so much, even though I didn’t show you that at first. Please call me or text me back!

I feel a tear fall on my cheek that I didn’t feel forming, next one of my mom’s;

Presley baby! Please call me! If you are mad that you are at your dad’s just come home! I know we don’t have the best relationship but we can patch things up if you want to! I miss you more than anything! Please answer me!

I feel an over whelming feeling of guilt, next my step dad’s;

I miss you come home you little shit! Just kidding! But we all want to know if you are okay!! I love you and so does your parents, shoot me a text when you see this. We are getting worried…

By now I am balling, how could I do this to my family? I am so worthless! They think I am dead! I am a selfish, worthless piece of shit! I hear a knock on my door, I glance at the clock, it’s blurry but I make out that it’s three a.m. “Come in!” I barely chock out. I hear some keys rattle and the door slides open a little.