Confessions of a Depressed Teenager

Sobriety and Loneliness.

The road to recovery after addiction is no easy journey, no matter what you're addicted to. My mother has been on drugs since before i was born. It's not easy dealing with it but half the time she pretty much ignores me or yells at me for something I didn't do. It's not something I so easily accept but i learned to live with it. I always tell myself "you can't help someone who doesn't want to change." But that's a lie. I always believed in the greater good, that everything will be at peace eventually. But it's starting to fade away and the people that actually care about me are noticing my change. The me everyone knew isn't even me anymore. I was strong willed and knew what I wanted. I was willing to do anything and everything to get it. Now I'm just going with the flow. Don't get me wrong I still know what I want I'm just to lazy to go get it. I never thought that I should feel alone because in reality I never was. I had my mom even though she wasn't there, she was with me. I had my dad, he was always at work though. I had my brother. But at the time he was in prison. I had my 2 best friends in the world but I didn't want to feel like a burden with my problems. Everyone around me was ignoring me, but maybe it was just me shutting them out. I felt alone. It's not a nice feeling. I felt like no one wanted me. Like even if I made myself try to feel wanted it wouldn't work. So I pleaded for my mother to get  help. She quit cold turkey and it lasted for about a good 10 months. New Years came around and my mom said she was going out, me trusting her fully I said "okay, call me so I know you're safe." She was gone for a whole day. 4am came and I called my dad(like old times) and begged him to take me to look for her. Around 6am she texted us saying that she messed up. We went home and I broke down crying. She claimed when my brother got out everything would change as if I'm not enough for her. I didn't trust her. Till this day I can barely look her in the eyes. I still love her. I think sometimes I enable her too much. But in reality I hate confrontation even though I know I should Stick up for myself. I guess nothing changes. I'll learn to live with it.