forever | sugawara x reader

19

"Sit up," I hear a familiar, clearly exhausted voice above me. It's only been a couple of seconds since both Daichi and (y/n) are hovering over me, both of their faces painted with the same emptiness as before. I sit up, coughing until I finally begin to breathe again. The three of us sit there and the moments of silence that pass are brutal, the realization of my situation becoming clearer with each passing second.

Daichi is the first to stand, brushing off the dirt and snow from his knees while carefully avoiding my gaze. (Y/n) stays on the ground next to me and unconsciously keeps her hand resting on my back where it was; if she was aware she'd have pulled away by now.

Daichi takes a deep breath. "Goodbye, Suga." He walks away down the street and his figure is out of sight after a little while. His goodbye is final, forever- this was an undeniable, sure end.

I turn my attention to (y/n) and her gaze is caught in the direction Daichi walked off in. She's wearing a long sleeve dress, her legs covered in sheer tights. It's dressy enough where I wonder what she's wearing it for but I know not to ask. Finally she directs her attention to me.

"Does it hurt?" She asks, her voice quiet but somehow loud at the same time in the silence of my street.

"What?"

"Does it hurt to watch him walk away, for good? To know that... it was for nothing."

The truth of her words isn't news to me as the exact thought had run through my mind many sleepless nights. Everything; my first date, my first kiss, my first love- were all fruitless in the end. The snow began to fall quicker now, building up on my shoulders and legs where I sat on the ground. Snow stuck to (y/n)'s hair, flakes melting as they fell on her flushed cheeks. Moments pass and I remember that she asked me a question I have no answer to. Of course it hurts, I want to say, it hurts more than anything I've ever felt and I know there was nothing before you to compare it to but fuck, I know there's nothing better after you either.

She closes her eyes as she stands up, the exhaustion showing on her features. She's tired of me, the same as everybody else- I don't blame her. I'm tired of me too, feeling the usual numbness settle over me as I pick myself up from the cold ground. We stand and it's obvious that she came here to say something but instead of speaking, the usual fire she lets out when she's upset- she fidgets with the sleeve of her dress, anxiety clear on her features. Every piece of my soul is reaching toward her but my physical body remains motionless; I have a sort of realization in this moment of silence that my problem was in this all along. In the standing still, in the going with everyone's desires no matter how they conflicted, in the passiveness of myself. I could change that now. I could reach out, wrap my arms around her and fall to the ground in a heap and try with all my heart to get her back.

But it's too late for me to be my own hero at this point because I'm truly just my own villain now. The thought is nice but I stay concrete in front of my door.

"Koushi..." she finally speaks, the edge of tears coming through her voice.

"Yeah?" I look up into her eyes for the first time in seemingly ages and it's as if the world inside them has gone through World War III, no trace of the life that once flourished there. Her eyes reflect mine and I feel something for a second. A pulse of how our hearts used to beat together, that feeling of being in love with someone.

"Koushi..." Tears well up in her eyes and it overwhelms her as she throws herself into my arms, dragging us down to the ground once again. Her embrace is tight on me, her body so familiar but the feeling so foreign. Slowly my arms wrap around her in return and as we hold each other there I let myself cry for the first time in a while, my walls crumbling for her.