When You Know It's Love

one

When you know it's Love

"I looked at everyone and realised they never loved me."

Chapter 1

The brightly lit candle illuminates the room, against the rough weather. The sounds of thunderstorms, car horns and the beads of rain falling strongly against the metal roof were all around me yet, they were never loud as compared to my thoughts.

I could only think of one thing, yet it speaks volume from the back of my mind. Every human knows... that when you think of one thing, it leads to another and another until you're in deep shit.

I stared at the envelope right before my eyes and slowly ripped it open. My acceptance letter.

Dear Ms Mia Roselie F.

Thank you for submitting your application with the University of California in Degree of English Literature. We regret to inform you that you have not been accepted for our intake this year.

There was an overwhelming number of students who applied and prior to their GPA scores, they were given the opportunity. However, if you'd like, there's a second session of application later in the year. We hope to see you again.

Sincerely yours,
Andrew G. Wellington
Dean in University of California
Professor in Degree of English Literature

My emotions were processing the rejection when a pair of hands grabbed the piece of paper from my hands. I closed my eyes and clenched my fist. This is it, the end of my life.

"Disappointment. I knew you couldn't do it." She muttered under her breath. She ripped the letter in front of my face and used the candle to burn it as I watched it fall to our wooden floor.

"You see that? It's a mess, clean it up. And do the same for your life. Leave my house immediately." My very own mother uttered these words to me.

I looked out at the window and suddenly, I could relate to the tar-black sky and aggressive weather.

We lived in a countryside, isolated from the busy life in the city. My mother, father and my brother. We were never like a family. I pay rent to my own parents and spent my years being chased down as the family representative for debts. My brother was rarely home but today, he was.

He sat by the fireplace, reading his newspaper while sipping hot chocolate. The scene between my mother and I happened right in front of him but yet, he pretends it never happened.

"Mason, what do I do with my life now?" I never thought I asked.

"Mmm, just leave, as mum says. Trust me. That's what I do."

"Then, why do you come back every now and then?"

"I come back when I feel like I'm too happy. Living and being a part of this family reminds me of shit. You know, just keeping the balance between the yin and yang in my life in case I get too happy."

***

I took out my notebook and jotted down,

When you know it's not Love:

1.     When you look at your mother with expecting eyes, and she tells you to leave.

2.     When your life is in a mess and your brother wouldn't even lift his eyes from the paper to look at you with assurance and concern.

3.     When your father didn't return home that day because it was the day you received your letter.

I had my life planned out. Except, they're all in forms of papers stuck on my wall now. University of California, Degree, then Masters and I'll travel the world to seek stories and publish them and be the next J. K. Rowling.