Your Love's a F*cking Drag (But I Need it So Bad)

Chapter Five

When Dan and Cheryl were fighting, Dan didn't quite know what to do with himself.

It felt as if his insides were being ripped out and stomped on the ground, the heel of a shoe scraping him into the ground. His stomach would twist and his face would flush and he swears he could feel his heart constrict just a little bit. He didn't understand why loving someone could hurt this much or why it made a person so susceptible to pain.

He had heard the rumours, of course he did, but he didn't really want to believe it. Whenever it would be brought up around the dorm halls or in the classrooms, he suddenly pretended as if he couldn't hear and that everything was perfectly okay. Because Cheryl wouldn't cheat on him. She loved him and she wanted to be with Dan, and Dan only. Her lips were definitely not touching anybody else's and she was definitely not sleeping with someone other than Dan.

(There was a voice in the back of Dan's head that called him a hypocrite, but he tried to staunch it with a cigarette, the fumes making his head a little bit fuzzier than normal).

Dan was sitting on the couch when he got the text message. He had always liked the placement of their couch because it was underneath Dan's lofted bed, letting it face the direction of the television on the opposite side of the room. He vaguely noted that Adventure Time was playing on the TV when he opened his phone and glanced down. His head immediately began to spin.

It was from his childhood friend, Louise, who had been there for him at every milestone in his life. She had sent a picture, one that was slightly blurry and obviously taken in a hurry. Upon closer inspection, Dan could just make out two figures, one in a familiar red dress and another taller unrecognizable man. It was clear that they were kissing, the man leaning down to kiss the girl with her hands wrapped loosely around his neck. But that's not right, Cheryl would never cheat on him. Would she?

Dan felt as if he was going to throw up. His hand tightened on the matchstick in his hand, the one that he was about to light up a cigarette with, and he duly noted the way it broke between his fingers. He didn't get a chance to answer the message when a voice broke through his thoughts.

"Dan?" It was Phil, his voice concerned as he sat next to Dan. Dan didn't bother to look up. "What's wrong?" When Dan didn't answer, a warm palm slid into his, squeezing tight as if he was going to disappear at any moment. It was nice, a reminder that he wasn't alone and that he had a roommate who cared about him.

"Nothing," Dan replied.

"Bullshit. I've been stuck in the same room with you for longer than I want to remember, and you honestly expect me to believe that nothing's wrong?"

Dan didn't really have a response to that, but he didn't really need to come up with a good one as his phone buzzed once more. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the screen light up with Cheryl's name. He really did not want to speak with his girlfriend right now, so he turned off the sound and shoved it in his pocket before deciding to answer Phil. "I don't want to talk about it." He could feel the deep frown glued to his face, eyes dropping to the floor in embarrassment. It was a bit mortifying for Phil to see him like this, when he was so obviously upset.

He could feel Phil's eyes running over him, trying to decide what he should do. "Okay." Dan immediately relaxed at the realization that Phil wasn't going to push him into talking about it if he didn't want to. "If you change your mind, let me know."

An idea struck Dan as soon as the words left his mouth, a quick and imploring, "Will you do one thing for me?"

A knowing smile tugged on the corner of Phil's lips when he replied. "Of course."

"The party tonight." He suddenly had a hard time breathing, thinking about the fact that Cheryl was going to be there and that he would have to face her. He didn't know what he would do. Would they stay together? Would they break up? He felt like he was going to vomit. "Will you come?"