Desires of the Crown

28 - The Mind is a Torturous Thing

          Demetri

Flipping my dagger between two fingers, I caught it and flipped it again. My heart clenched as my chest tightened and I thought about what might be happening this very second. Skinned alive? Burned? Beaten to death? With every blink of my eyes, with every flash of darkness I saw her face. Wide, shocked and scared.

And there was nothing I could do.

Horick and Gillian would act if she only screamed loud enough for them to hear or made it to the door. They were good men who have been on watch over Jonathan for years now and were some of the very few people who have stood in his way or pulled his bloody fists from someone's face. If they thought his emotions were clouding his judgment, they intervened quicker than the blink of an eye – and what's more, he let them.

He trusted their judgment, perhaps more than mine.

But the thought didn't ease my mind.

The guilt hit me harder than any malice could with a blow as deadly as any other. I was beginning to lose count how many times I walked that poor girl to her death. But maybe she could talk her way out of it, like she has done so many times already. But then, there was the most important question: did he trust her? Would he believe her when she told him she hadn't run? It was then that I understood where the guilt had stemmed from. I didn't think he did trust her.

Did I trust her?

I pushed the thought far from my mind. Of course I did. Why would she lie?

I got to my chambers on the first underground floor not too far from the armory. It was a small room by castle standards but compared to the small shack I shared with thirty other thieves and assassins when Jonathan found me, this was a castle of its own. It was something that I had wanted for as long as I could remember – a space all my own. I had my own bed comfortably stuff with feathers, warm furs, and my own space to think.

But thinking was the last thing I wanted to do.

A mind is a torturous thing disguised as a blessing.

I pulled off my shoulder pad of light armor and threw it down over the chair in the corner of my room and pulled my shirt over my head. I threw the covers back hoping that sleep would distract me from the night's events and from the screams in my head but a folded piece of parchment had all thoughts vanishing from my mind.

A letter sat on my bed, hidden by blankets.

Frowning I picked up the letter and unfolded it, my eyes quickly scanning the words.

I have some news. Did you know you were born in the Kings isle? Interesting that you were found in the Valley of Eagles on the other side of the country twelve years later. How do you think you got there? Your sister, on the other hand, never made it to the Valley of Eagles, you lost her somewhere on the way. I will continue to search but I need something from you in return. A girl was taken from the Northern convent. Find her. Be discreet.

-son of the blood.

Son of the blood? My doubts were growing more and more about Gabriel and either way I look doesn't end well so long as he is involved. I had pushed our two little meetings far from my mind not wanting to dwell. I knew I was tempted to find my sister, but I was also terrified. I knew the odds of something bad happening to her were high and I wasn't sure if I wanted to tamper with the few small memories I had of her. And the fact that Gabriel clearly wanted something in return made me distaste the idea even more.