How to Be a Heartbreaker

Memories

Flashback

It was my first day at my new school. I was 6 years old and it was first grade. I was very small for my age and even worse I was shy. I had made it through most of the day, but it was recess now, and I hadn't made any friends, so I sat alone on the swings. On the monkey bars, I saw a group of girls playing, I wanted to go join them, but I couldn't. I was too scared. Instead I took out a my littlest pet shop and started to play with it. I talked to it quietly, and soon I was having fun all by myself. I was having so much fun I didn't notice that a group of kids had surrounded me and were laughing and jeering at me. Loser. Freak. Nerd. Weirdo. The words repeated in my head like a song. My eyes smarted and I sniffled loudly. The crowd had grown. The largest of the boys stepped forward and started to talk in a baby voice. "Is the little baby, gonna cry now?"

"Stop it!" I said trying to hold back my tears, looking down at my feet. He laughed, and soon everyone else started to laugh too. I couldn't take it anymore. I fought my way through the small crowd and ran, fighting the tears trickling down my face. I heard a teacher yell my name, but I didn't look back. I ran out the playground and down the sidewalk. I ran home crying, not caring what my parents would say. It's not like they were ever around to care anyways. They only noticed when I did something wrong, and I did everything wrong. My grades, my room, my hobbies. All of it was wrong. I got onto my tip toes and punched in the garage code blindly. I burst inside and ran up to my room, where I flung my self onto my bed. I cried for hours. I cried about how unloved and unwanted I felt. I cried about the bullying. I cried myself to sleep, alone in the darkness. I had never felt so lonely before. My self-pity started to turn to anger. There were a lot of things in my life that I couldn't control, but this wasn't one of them. I would not give them the satisfaction of knowing they had hurt me. That night as my eyes started to close I swore to myself that I would never, ever let them see me cry.