Letting go

Part 2

After about 7months into the relationship depression kicked and There'd be days were randomly  shed have negative thoughts and it would be difficult for her to handle based on life,
I've tried encouraging her that everything's ok and it happens but it was too much. And from that, that's where our relationship ended. Whatever attempts I've made to change her mind, didn't work. And all there was, were just sadness. All I could think about was just her and her only.
I really missed her and just us being happy but I could never gain that back, I've thought about remaining friends but that didn't last long, throughout the summer I've contemplated whether I should try to work Things out or just talk to her but in my head that led to rejection. Little did I know if she wanted to talk but that was months later. But for right now I've talked about being friends which we both agreed too but personally isn't working out very well. I'd want to go back to what we had before but to me it's like I don't mean nothing to her any more.
And till this day, I'd be writing things in my "notes" app based on what our conversation.

And one of the things that I wrote in my notes was.

"She asked "are you genuinely happy in life"?

My response is a thematic and well thought No. Reason being is because, there's this one individual who still has my heart and still lives in my heart ( may sound cheesy but it's true ) .No matter our differences or our long distance situation, I could never let her go
I've been contemplating whether Should I move on or not, but it's really difficult to just drop everything and leave your past and try to be foreign. Fact that I've talked to this beautiful and down to earth person ( referring to her )
On a daily basis and Literally all most having a current future wife
Was really heart breaking. And there's not a day where I have not Once thought about her. I've had people convincing me to move on and had attempts to start a new relationship with other females, but sadly it wasn't the same. None of those females had what my past had. And that same specific person who has my heart is the only type of female w those exact personality trait is what I look for in a women

I want a women who's bashful, someone who's shy, so that I could be able to break her shyness
And discover a person who's unique and beautiful on the inside that no ones ever knew or discovered  I want someone who has dreams, so that through thick and thin, I'd be standing by her through tough times and getting through tough obstaclesI want a women who rants about her insecurities. So that everyday I could bother her and be like lil baby bless my eyes you pretty young thang and say things similar to that which would be meaningful and positive things based on her insecurities

I also want a baby girl one specific thing I'd primary ask for is a baby girl  I don't care what age you are I'd be all cheesed up and just god damn . I'd also want a women who is ambitious about her man and isn't afraid to check a bitch when she outta place

But I know that, that's a lot to ask for, but what hurts is that knowing that I may not ever have her back. If there was one thing that I could ask for is that one person. But I just wish that she knew how much I still love her

Hopefully during the long run, we some how get back together and I don't know when will you see this long essay, but whenever I make the decision and send this to you, I hope it changes things"

But sadly I've understood that after a break up, it's best to not waste your time fixing anything that can't be fixed, but I'm willing to give it one more try because I still lover her.