Until Then, My Love

Untitled part

This is for silverg646, the crazy shit. Good luck with the new school year! I hope you enjoy this 😉

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Do you ever got that reoccurring dream, a dream so vivid that it feels like you're there in person? A dream where every single thing feels so real, everything that's happening around you is etched in the deepest part of your mind?

I started having those dreams when I was kid. I always asked my parents about it, but they always answer the same thing.

"Those are just dreams, sweetheart. It's impossible that there are giant human creatures-or Titans as you said-that existed."

Of course I believed them. I was only a kid. But still, the dreams kept on coming, kept on being progressive. I also saw some of my friends in there. We were in a military, belonging to the brigade which went out of the walls that protect humanity from the titans. I watched some of them be eaten, died in a numerous ways possible. Every single expedition many people died that I stopped keeping count on it. In my dream I have the ability to turn into a titan, and was granted the title of "Humanity's Hope". Every single night that I dreamed, I always found myself waking up with cold sweat. The dreams were just so brutal it made my guts wrench, wanting me to heave. But in all of those horrible things, there are also some events that are worth remembering, dreams that made my heart pump so fast and my stomach feel tied in blissful knots.

In all those pleasant dreams, I always see the same person. A stoic, cold man with steely grey eyes that can pierce through you and look into your soul. A man with hair as black as midnight, styled into an undercut that no one but him can have perfectly. Skin a porcelain white, still beautiful despite the multiple scars he had from years of fighting. A guy with a conviction as hard as steel. A man who is hardened by life's hardships. A man that everyone looked up to.

But beneath all of those things, beneath that perfectly worn stoic mask, is a man that's full of scars from his past, a man who's in need of help but is too scared to show. A man who cares for all of his comrades, a man that hates having useless deaths. A man who carries all of his comrades' strength, profuse strength that it's weighing him down. A man that's so broken, so broken to the point where it looks unfixable. A man who built numerous walls around him to protect himself.

And that's why I loved him.

While I was growing up, I continued to see the people in my dreams in my daily life. It always confused and surprised me. Is that just coincidence? If it is then why did it happens so often?

And that's when I finally realized it. It's not just a dream that my mind created. It's my life. Before. And it's flashing in my mind, reminding me of the nightmare that is my life before.

I tried asking some of my friends-Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Marco, and many others-about it in subtle ways but it seems like I'm the only one who remembers. I figured out that it's better that way, them not remembering anything about that life. At least they won't need to see those horrible things.

What's bugging me though is the man that I loved in my past life-Levi as I can remember. Just thinking of him is enough to send my heart into a fast pounding pace. And it's enough for me to know that I love him. I still love him after all these years.

I've been searching for him since I was in high school but all those years are proved to be fruitless. There are plenty of times when I thought that I saw him just to approach the person and see that it isn't him. Every now and then there are times when I just want to give up but every time I did, a vision of his smile-the smile that he only showed in the most rarest and precious times-pop inside my mind and suddenly, all I want to do is to see and be with him again.