Ineffable | LH

8. Accept or move on

She hated me.

That was all I could think about. When I went home, when I went to bed, when I went to school, when I was in school. The whole week I thought Blue hated me.

I started talking to them as usual. Or, as much usual as I could with the thought of Blues death. The thought of a world without Blue was like a machine; only wanting to be destroy me and make me break down in tears and sobs.

Friday rolled around. We were going home to Calum as any other Friday. Watching movies and playing video games and eating way too many potato chips, like we had done that for years. When I met Blue and she started hanging out with us, she was invited too.

I knew I had to cherish these moments: Those moments where everything seemed normal. But it was hard, knowing they would be gone by the end of summer.

"Monsters inc.!"

"What about The Bourne Identity?"

"The Notebook? That ain't happening."

The movie talk was on, and no one was able to shut it down until someone finally mentioned a movie everyone was fine with. We could have taken turns picking movies, but it was (and had been from the start) a tradition to fight over movie picking.

Blue was driving, as she and I were the only ones with license. Calum was sitting beside her, Michael and I on the backseat. Mayday Parade was silently playing, loud enough for us to hear, but low enough that we could yell at each other.

Or, the boys and Blue yelled. I didn't. If it had been just a week before, I would. But after what I had done, I didn't. And I didn't think I'd ever be able to do it again.

When we pulled up at Calum's house, they were still discussing whether we should watch The Martian, Happy Feet or Ice Age.

"What about you?"

I looked up to see two pairs of eyes, one brown and one green. I wanted to see a third pair too, but it wasn't there.

"What do you wanna watch?" Michael asked again. I had no idea how or why he had already forgiven me, or if they even had. But I was glad he talked to me, and I would do my best to make it stay that way.

"What about..." I shrugged, knowing none of them would like what I said. I tried to ignore the fact that Blue ignored me. "Mean girls?"

"Geez, Lucas," Calum sighed, throwing his hands in the air. "Can we just, for once, watch something else than your stupid stereotypical romance?"

"Actually," I corrected, thinking about my conversation with Blue. "Mean Girls doesn't count as a stereotypical romance."

I liked the fact that I was able to speak again like I was used to. Maybe it was because I knew what it was, maybe because I had told Blue. I don't know what it was, but I honestly didn't care. It finally seemed like my everyday was going back to almost-normal. Because it would never go back to normal-normal. Not when Blue wouldn't be in it.

We ended up watching Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, something I didn't mind at all. I would rather watch Mean Girls, but according to the others we had watched it at least 50 times. Like we hadn't done that with the other one too.