Scavenger

38. Find Peace

Slowly but surely, Ashley's heart began healing. We were back and forth from the therapist's office twice a week, until Ashley was well enough to cut it back to once a week. This took over a year. By then, it was almost my sixteenth birthday.

"I hear that there's a very special birthday coming up," Ashley told me about a week before. "I was thinking we go big for it. We'll have a party with a giant cake and a whole room dedicated to presents. We'll invite everyone we know!"

I answered simply, "No, thanks."

Taken aback, Ashley said, "Well, alright. What would you like to do then?"

I told her I wanted to get a few movies to watch together. I wanted to talk like we used to. If she really wanted to, she could get a cupcake with a single candle, but I'd draw the line after that. So we did just that.

We were watching a few of our favorite Disney movies when Ashley got up from the couch to pop some more popcorn. She hadn't even made it to the kitchen door when she passed out on the floor, popcorn soaring everywhere.

I was screaming for our mother, shaking Ashley's shoulders repeatedly. "Ashley, wake up," I begged. "Please wake up. Please, Ashley, please..."

Mom and I carried her to the car, with Aaron following close behind with a few things I thought we'd need. I sat in the back, supporting Ashley's head on my lap and simply trying to keep it together. Ashley woke up in the car while I was holding tight to her hand, only a few minutes away from the hospital. She smiled lightly when she looked up at me. She whispered, "It'll be okay, baby sister. You don't have to worry about me one bit."

But as soon as she was lifted onto the strecher and wheeled down the hallway, her knees curled tightly against her chest, I couldn't hold it in any longer. "Ashley!" I screamed. I was pushing past several nurses and medics, demanding that I go with my sister just as she'd done for me.

"Move!" I screeched. "I have to go with her! Get the hell out of my way! Ashley...!"

They slammed the door in my face before I'd had the chance to take out every single one of them. My mothers hands were on my shoulders, pulling me back toward her. I felt like I couldn't breathe. "What's wrong with her?" I cried. "I don't understand, mom, we were just..."

We were just eating popcorn.

I collasped into my mother's arms and sobbed until I vomited all over the floor. One of the nurses had given me a bag to puke my guts out with my mom's hand trailing over my back. "They're just running tests," she assured me. "She'll be okay."

Eventually, the doctor approached us through the doors to announce that we were permitted to see her, but I didn't wait for permission. I found her three doors down, sitting upright on a bed with tubes and needles connected to every inch of her. Her skin was so pale, and her eyes were dead. Still, she smiled for me.

The doctor returned to the room a few moments later with my mother and Aaron trailing behind her. She shut the door. I couldn't listen to anything that she was trying to tell us. Instead, my eyes were locked on my sister as she mouthed, I love you so much, Annie.

We recieved the news.

I remembered very vividly looking up at my sister after she saved my life and hearing her say, "You will never, ever experience anything worse than this for the rest of your life." What she told me that day was wrong.

My mom's knees weakened before she fell to the floor. Aaron tried his best to understand. Ashley pulled me close to her, whispering over and over and over, "I love you, I love you, I love you..."