Treat you better

2. Now I Just Sit In Silence

Treat you better

WARNING YOU THIS IS A DARK CHAPTER

2. Now I Just Sit In Silence

Dean

Dean was sitting at his desk, tapping his pencil softly and rhythmically on it. He mind flashed back to the morning.

"Dean, I heard you last night."

Sam stood in his doorway, his eyes holding sadness. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"

Dean gritted his teeth, his mind hissing at him. He doesn't care, he ignores you. You're the worst brother, he's just pretending. He'll tell Cas and then what? Nobody cares, so just stop.

Dean closed his eyes and stood up, staring at Sam with such intensity he stepped back. "I'm fine, just tired." Dean shoved his way past Sam, grabbing his bag and a granola bar before he left.

Thinking back on it, he thought he was too harsh. Maybe he shouldn't have let the voices get to him. Dean sighed and heard someone sit next to him. "Hello." Dean turned and saw a guy with jet black hair and an English accent.

"What do you want Crowley?" Dean growled, stopping his tapping and gripping the pencil. Crowley rolled his eyes. "You seemed lonely without your boyfriend—" Dean stopped from flinching. "—so I came to the rescue. Why don't you hang out with me, take a howl at the moon." Dean curled his lip in disgust. "I wouldn't go that low." He snapped before standing up and moving somewhere else.

But he couldn't ignore that nagging voice in the back of his head.

• • •

It was lunchtime and Dean ate his burger. Cas and Josh approached him and sat across from him, making him stop. "Cas, where've you been?" He hadn't seen him in Biochemistry, the first class they had together. Cas shrugged. "Hanging out with Josh." Deans stomach blanched, but he continued to eat.

"Hmm," was his response. Josh leaned back, and Dean could tell Josh was observing him. "You eat that greasy stuff?" He spoke up, his voice gravelly. Dean stopped and looked at him, his eyes narrowed. "What the hell do you mean?" He snapped, making Cas widened his eyes and Josh to raise an eyebrow. "Just saying you should work out then."

Dean sat his burger down, his eyes twitching. Cas looked between them, Dean glaring at them both. "Watch your mouth before you fucking lose some teeth." Dean hissed, grabbing his things and abruptly standing up 'accidentally' kicking the table so it shoved into Josh's knee.

• • •

Dean was leaning against the brick wall outside the school, his head throbbing again and his wrist itching. He sighed and rubbed his forehead, wondering why he hadn't left yet. Was it because he felt bad and wanted to make amends with Cas?

As if on purpose, Cas came barreling towards Dean. "What was that about!" He raged, his eyes holding anger. Dean couldn't help the hurt show on his face. Cas calmed. "Why are you so rude to Josh?" Dean almost gaped and started laughing at Cas. "Because he insulted me and called me fat." Dean dead panned, his eyes narrowing by the second. His emotions bubbled up. "Because he's a cocky son of a bitch, because I don't like him!"

Cas scowled, shoving Dean slightly. "You don't know him like I do. If you can't accept the fact that I love him,"—Dean stepped back, his chests aching terribly—"then...then you just have to leave me alone." Dean was silent, his chest caving in.

"You've known him for two fucking days!" Dean shouted, scaring Cas and making him cower. "Two fucking days and you love him? After two days you want to dump me as a friend to hang out with him? Great to know I wasted 11 years of my life on you." He spat, wincing. I didn't mean it, Cas, please don't leave me...Please, I didn't mean it...

Cas looked at the ground, Dean feeling stares at him. "It's been more than two days." Dean stepped back. Cas looked up, his blue eyes steely cold. "It's been 6 months." Dean staggered. 6 months? His throat went dry and he spoke, his voice cracking. "S-Six months?" Cas suddenly frowned. "Dean—" Dean ran a hand through his hair. He looked away. "Ok."

Cas stopped. "Ok...?" Dean looked back at Cas, his eyes hollow and void of anything. The green eyes were now a dull green, grayish. Cas was taken aback. "Leave me. I don't care. But don't expect me to let you back into my life after he dumps you." Dean lifted his bag, jostling it, and walking away.

Cas saw something and stooped low to pick it up.

It was a blade.

• • •

Dean entered the house and went straight up to his room, ignoring Sam. "Dean? Dean, don't go into your room ag—" Dean slammed his door shut and locked it, slumping against it. His chest ached and tears stung his eyes. He looked at the ceiling before flinching and staring at his hands. He saw a tear drop into his palm and he shuddered, more coming. Dean sniffed and covered his face with his hands, his body racking with sobs.

His voice was raspy and he sucked in a quivering breath, before letting it out with a cry. Dean didn't move for the rest of the day.

• • • (TRIGGER MOMENT SKIP IF YOU WANT)

It was midnight and Dean was sitting against the door, his shirt off so he was bare. He gulped and looked down, picking up the tool. He lost his other one, and it was both relieving and upsetting.

But he had more.

Stupid.

Worthless.

Useless.

Waste of space.

Fat.

Loner.

Damned.

Mistake.

Disgrace.

Broken.

He sat it down, his chest heaving and his face dry. He stared at his bleeding arm, watching rivulets of blood run down the sides and drop onto the floor or his legs. Dean stood up, dizzy. He opened his door and quickly went to the bathroom, locking the door and slowly cleaning himself up.

The bandages were tinted pink with his blood, but Dean didn't care.

He shuffled back to his room, closing and locking his door. He put away his blade, and cleaned up his mess, his mind laughing at him. Once he got in bed, he succumbed to sleep, the one thing where he could leave his pathetic life.

•••

TRIGGER MOMENT OVER.

This was longer and more sadder. Fuck you Castiel.

And Josh -.-

If you think this is dark...then you're in for it...