Depressing Notes

Missing Him

I miss him, I tried so hard not to even think about him. I can't forget what I get told everyday. I don't want to tell my friends about him, but it's not that I don't trust them, I just don't want to hear it; "You can do way better,"
"you really need to move on,"
"you really just need to let go,"
"I didn't like him anyways," it doesn't help, but it only hurts. Even though I try so hard to focus on more important things, he's the only one that can really distract me. I miss him so much.
"Why do you even like me?" The one question that I couldn't answer at the time, but if I can go back in time I would tell him why.
"I like you because I can be myself, I can express myself and know you won't judge me, because you are everything that I want in a tall, smart, amazing, crazy, and not afraid to express himself, and that is why I like you," ; I was scared to tell him why because I didn't know why at that time, but after a little time I was able to find out why. It wasn't because you were asian; it was because I can express myself and not get judged; it was because I can relate to someone that is the same as me. I'm happy to know that other people think that I don't need him because people won't know how I feel on the inside. I'm honestly scared of people. I hate it when the doorbell rings, or when someone knocks on the door because that means I have to face someone. I can't look people in the eye because all they will see is sadness and regret. I say I'm fine when I'm not. It takes only few people to tell I'm not ok. People are the thing that I'm scared of, but I'm not scared of him. Why can't he see that? I guess that's a unknown question that will never be answered.