Blood

Pt 14: Reckless or Carefulness

In this life we either live recklessly and regret or live with carefulness and also regret, but if it happen that you decide to try both styles then you end up feeling zoned out beyond regret.

Do I regret hugging N recklessly; no I don't but do I regret not being careful oh hell yes I do.

Seeing Hongbin face change from sweet candy to red lava made me weak in a sense that when I always know what to say that I am now speechless.

''I would like you to be careful next time of where you place your hand N, after all this is not a threat it's just a mere concern'' Hongbin said that to N while grabbing my hand very tight and honestly it sounded more like a threat than a concern.

Once again I am in a deep situation, it's not like I am worth fighting for its enough that I have my own problems to deal with and I never asked to be loved.

We stepped outside together I and Hongbin and in one second he turned back in being a sweet candy he always was.

''What was that all about Hongbin, it's not like I belong to either one of you.. '' I gave a frown holding my fist very tight.

Hongbin was just smiling and looking at me than said ''maybe but not for too long, I am planning to make you mine so in the process of that do not touch anyone or hug anyone''.

I stood speechless as I watch him go back inside, how did my life end up like that.... I precisely remember praying for money and a job not a romantic drama.

I offered to help Leo today cleaning up his personal library as it was dusty and untidy, Ken wanted to assist as well but he had to start preparing for this week's dance concept along with Ravi and Hyuk.

Leo by nature is a quite person but his kind so I felt that maybe if I talk to him he can help giving me valued advises.

''Um Leo, you see when a girl in a situation where she has to choose between two but actually she does not yet understand her feelings or that understand when one of the options feels for her completely what should she do'' my nerves are all shaking now after asking this, I don't know if what I don't want to hear is what actually best for this situation.

Leo paused a bit looking at the floor and said ''I would normally say follow your heart but you don't know what's in your heart.. figure it out first before it's too late'' he slowly cleans the dust in the shelves and then said ''in the process of you figuring it all out I hope no one gets hurt''

Thank you Leo for adding more burdens on my chest.

I could hear Eva downstairs laughing with N, and my heart just got pinched more. My realization is hitting me very fast and that I actually like N.

I dropped the book in my hand out of shock, how can I love him when all the sweet moment I spent is with Hongbin. This is not a typical bad bod over good boy but it's not clear at all of why him out of all, why him instead of Hongbin.

As I stood still I felt even worse about Hongbin, I did not even give him a chance but yet I have already decided.

''guys!! Its dinner time so come and eat'' Hongbin calling us to join dinner.

In that big table we sat, hongbin chose to sit next to me offering me a drink and placing food on my dish. I feel like crying now, I can't deceive myself or yet deceive him... I need to tell him that I actually like N and I don't even yet know why.

N kept watching us from a desistence and by the look of it, I can sense that his annoyed. Eva was trying to be all cute by feeding N but he refused and pushed her hand away which ended up in Hyuk laughing at her it was just all awkward dinner situation.