Blood

Pt 13: Once Again

Doctors with white gowns run across the room entering the ER one by one and I watched them all as I sat on the white floor praying for a Miracle.

Hyuk crying covering himself in Ravi's body who is also trying to hold back his tears, Ken and Leo are desperately waiting for the doctor to come out walking in circles non-stop. N on the other hand barried his face into his arm and knee on the floor not saying a single word and just like that 15minutes passed.

''He passed the critical stage, the bullet was almost near his heart so he lost a lot amount of Blood.. but no need to worry he is stable for now and we will move him to surgery to stitch him up'' The doctor comforted us and we were all relieved. Everyone was hugging each other and Hyuk jumped over the doctor to hug him.

I was so glad that he passed the critical stage but I can't shake the fact that this is all my fault, I should have never came to their back door in the first place but my greed to safety took over me and now I regret my choice.

Those prayers that I have prayed earlier kept ringing back and forth in my mind: Dear God I pray with all my heart that you save Hongbin from death and I promise that if you do so I will leave this house and give up my selfishness in a piece of happiness and live my life the way you want it till I die.

And so I decided to stay away from them and flee from the house that I know and forever will consider my home, since I can't face them anymore after what I've done for them.

Leo went to buy us coffee and few snacks after our mental breakdown we needed energy to survive the wait hours till the surgery is done. Ken just slept on the bench from tiredness followed by Ravi.

I finally managed to sit on the chair where N came and sat next to me and said ''you look tired, do you want to rest your head on my shoulder'' .. when he said that tears came out of me again.

He kept on looking at me not sharing a single word, but just his eyes were an enough source of comfort for me.

I wanted to speak to let all my heart out but I couldn't as Eva rushed and hugged N ''what happened to Hongbin, I left for a bit and I came back but nobody at home then I found it''

She even dared to push me just to reach N's body.

''how did you find out!! We never called you as far as I know'' Leo came in with coffee and snacks and asked eve this, well his right I mean nobody called her at all.

''dummy I asked the neighbors who said they heard a bullet sound and saw this hospital ambulance driving to the alley.. you don't know how scared I was when I saw the blood on the floor'' she started getting more cozier with N but he was just standing there not moving a finger.

Ugh I just need to get out of here I can't watch this anymore..

''Hey leo I will be in back garden, if Hongbin's surgery is over just call me please'' and just like that I left and went to the small garden that the hospital has.

I sat in an old wooden bench and started drawing circles with my leg and my mind is just full of escaping thoughts. There is a song sang by Mad Clown and Kim Na Young called Once Again which is basically speaks to me of how I was living in a dream and that it's time for me to wake up and face the reality so I kept on whispering the song over and over just to serve as a reminder that the dream will always disappear.

My eyes on the ground and I see two pair of men boots approaching me and as I raise my head our eyes met, it was N alone and no one else.

''what are you doing here? Where is Eva?'' I asked