(Scene, Royal Woods Mall 7:50pm)
BJ: I don't know about you guys, but I'm excited to see Jeff Dunham tonight.
Luna: Yeah. Hopefully he's good.
Andy: Personally, I'm not a fan. I just tagged along to support Luan.
BJ: That makes sense.
Luan: Yeah. I've seen every stand up special he's ever released.
(They buy their tickets and take their seats)
Luna: Well, it's almost showtime.
BJ: Yeah. Jeff should be coming on stage any second now.
Andy: Only one minute left.
(After a few seconds, Jeff comes on stage and is greeted with massive applause)
Jeff: Alright, thank you, thank you. Are you all ready for an awesome show tonight?
(Everyone applauds)
Jeff: So the first guy I'm going to bring out is easily one of my most popular characters because everyone knows someone like this. Please help me welcome, Walter.
(The audience delivers more applause as Jeff brings out Walter)
Walter: So where did our tour take us this time?
Jeff: Well, Walter we are in Royal Woods, Michigan.
Walter: Oh, you mean this town is part of the Royal Family?
(laughter)
Jeff: This town isn't actually Royality. It's a suburban area of Detroit.
Walter: Well in that case, who cares.
(laughter)
(As the act goes on, Luan talks to Andy)
Luan: Isn't he amazing?
Andy: Yeah. He is pretty funny but I'm not that big a fan.
(Jeff wraps up his scene with Walter and introduces the next character)
Jeff: Say goodnight Walter.
Walter: Goodnight everybody.
(He puts Walter back in the box)
Jeff: Now this next guy is one of if not the craziest character in my act. Please help me welcome my buddy, Peanut.
(He gets Peanut out while the audience delivers more applause)
Jeff: How you doing Peanut?
Peanut: I'm doing good. How are you?
Jeff: I'm good.
Peanut: That's good, that's good, that's good, that's gooood.
Jeff: So how do you like it here?
Peanut: I love this town.
Jeff: Which town?
Peanut: The one we're in right now.
Jeff: You don't know?
Peanut: Ok. Help me out here.
Jeff: The drive from the valley.
Peanut: Was bad as heck.
Jeff: Traffic.
Peanut: Stunk like heck.
Jeff: Drivers.
Peanut: Angry as heck.
Jeff: And you.
Peanut: Were scared as heck.
Jeff: Parking.
Peanut: Stunk even more like heck. So we're in Heck and these are our heckmates
(Jeff pulls out a piece of paper with Royal Woods written on it)
Jeff: Here, read this Peanut.
Peanut: Ro-yal Wo-Wo? The heck is that?
Jeff: We're in Royal Woods, Peanut.
Peanut: Oh, I totally knew that.
Jeff: Right. Anyways, I see that we have some very special guests in the audience tonight.
Peanut: You do?
Jeff: Yeah. We have some members of the legendary Star Loud team.
Peanut: Star Loud? I've never heard of them.
Jeff: They're a team of intergalactic mercenaries that have saved the world more than once.
Peanut: Which members are in specifically in the crowd?
Jeff: Well, there's the team leader, Captain Benjamin J. Holstege, ace pilot Luna Loud and her sister Luan Loud.
Peanut: Who's that guy next to Luan?
Jeff: That's just Andy.
Peanut: I take it that he's her boyfriend.
Jeff: That's right. Anyways, BJ, if you can hear us, why don't you and your friends come crow surfing to the stage to tell some jokes.
(BJ, Luna, Luan and Andy crowd surf until they get on stage)
BJ: Thanks for inviting us Jeff.
Jeff: Anytime BJ.
Andy: Why have you brought us on to the stage?
Jeff: Well, it's mainly so that Luan could tell some jokes and I figured you guys might want a stageside seat.
Luan: Ok. Here's my first joke: What has four wheels and flies?
Peanut: Oh boy, here we go.
Luan: A garbage truck.
(laughter)
Luna: Good one sis.
Luan: I'd like to talk trash but I refuse
Peanut: I knew it. We're in the presence of a pungeon master.
Luan: Well Peanut, I love making puns.
Andy (to Peanut and Jeff): She's right. She is literally the punniest person I know.
Peanut: Fascinating.
BJ: I hear ya, Peanut.
(Luan tells more jokes and then she, Andy, Luna and BJ crow surf back to their seats)
Jeff: Well, that's the show. Goodnight Royal Woods Mall.
YOU ARE READING
The Loud Tales and Haven Tales: Rejected Scenes
FanfictionA series of rejected scenes from my flagship series called Haven Tales both before and after the rebrand.
