Is it worth it?

I'm moving

"You know," Danielle said as we were sitting on my couch at 1 AM, "I wasn't kidding when I told you to come with me to Rosendale. And there's this nice nursing home where your mom can stay,"
"Craydon is where I grew up, this is where I belong," I told her.
She placed her hand on my thigh and squeezed gently, "It's time for you to move on. Find a new home,"
"Rosendale," I stated, "It's everything I ever stood against,"
"It's not as bad as you think, Bruno. It's so much better, safer. I will take care of you, and your mom," she told me.
I looked up at her and God was she beautiful. I changed my position so that my whole body faced her, "I really regret ending what we had,"
"Shh," She whispered, "I understand,"
My eyes glanced on her lips as she slowly licked around them. I looked back up at her eyes but her eyes were locked on my lips. I slowly moved closer and she closed her eyes before our lips touched. And man, had I missed kissing those soft lips of hers. I lied her down on the couch kissing her neck as she took off my hoodie. 
"Let's go to my bedroom," I whispered.

*April 23rd 2010*

"But you're Theodore's nephew, so I'll let you go. For now," Miles, the police officer said with a smile before placing the gun back in his belt and getting back into the police car.
He drove off and I got up from the ground. I touched my face next to my eyes where he hit me with his gun. I was bleeding. I spit on the ground to see that my spit had turned in to blood. I headed towards Lucky's place to see if he made it home. When I got there I heard screaming and shouting. I ran over and saw Lucky lying flat on the concrete floor, face down. His mother was crying next to him and Smoke was standing up with his hands on the back of his head, frustrated. I walked over to Lucky and fell down to my knees next to his dead body before turning him around.
"Lucky," I whispered before starting to cry.
Smoke got down next to me, I looked up at him, "He just wanted to go home,"
Smoke pulled me in and hugged me tight, "It's all my fault," I cried, "It's my fault,"
"Hey," Smoke pulled me back, looking straight into my eyes, "This ain't your fault kid. You didn't pull the fucking trigger. It's all on that dirty cop. You hear me?"
"He never wanted this, he never wanted to get involved in this!" I shouted.
"But he did, okay?" Smoke tried to calm me down, "He had a choice. Stop fucking blaming yourself, Bobo!"
I could see that he was all teared up himself. I hugged him once more before bending down to Lucky, holding a tight grip on his clothes. I had my head on his chest letting all my tears come out.

***

"Stop blaming yourself boo," Danielle whispered, running her fingers through my hair.
I was lying on the couch with my head on her lap. We've been sitting like this for hours. It's the day after Lucky's death. His family has to bury him in their backyard because they can't afford a funeral. 
"I dragged him into this life. He hesitated when I asked him, why did he join me?" I asked.
"Because he loved you. You guys were best friends, no one could come between you. He cared about you and didn't want you to do this alone," Danielle told me and kissed my forehead.
"He wanted to become a lawyer," I mumbled, closing my eyes.

*Now*

"So, I just came here to tell you I'm moving," I was sitting in the grass next to Lucky's grave in the backyard, "Danielle came back. I think we're back together. So I'm moving with her, to Rosendale to start a new life. I wanna be better, get a real job, earn legal money,"
I lied down, just looking up at the sky, "I just wish you were still here, so we could do this together... I miss you bro,"
"Who's that?" A voice in the distance asked.
I sat up straight and spotted Ash. As he approached me I saw that he had a black eye and some other bruises and scratches on his body.
"My best friend, just telling him goodbye" I said with a confused look, "Who did this to you?"
Ash sat down next to me, and just looked at Lucky's grave, "Why are you saying goodbye?"
"I'm moving. To Rosendale," I told him before he looked up at me with puppy eyes.
"Take me with you, please," it sounded like he was begging.
"What happened to you Ash?" I asked.
"My stepfather," he sighed, looking down on the ground, "He's.. not nice,"
"Aight," I said, placing my hand on his shoulder, "You can join me to Rosendale,"

I was saying goodbye to Smoke and some other friends while hanging at Smoke's apartment drinking beer and smoking some joints.
"How you gonna be up there?" Smoke asked, sitting down on the couch next to me.
"I'm gonna work hard, earn some money and maybe even finish my education," I replied.
"So basically what you do here, just with an education?" Smoke chuckled as the other guys laughed.
"Uh, except I will do it all in a legal way, and not risk my life," I told him receiving a serious look from him.
"You haven't even moved to the white neighborhood yet and you're gonna tell me what I do is wrong?" He questioned, putting his beer down on the table.
"I've always known it was wrong. All since that cop killed Lucky," I said to him as he stood up facing me. 
I stood up to, placing my beer down as well.
"And who's fault was that?" He asked me, taking a step closer.
"I.. I... The cops? You told me that," I said as he pushed me back.
I almost fell but one of the guys caught me and lifted me back up. I walked over to smoke again as he grabbed my sweater, pulling me up close to his face, "It was all you fault, kid. Lucky's death is on you. If he still was here today, and he saw you. He'd be disappointed,"
"Why are you getting all worked up on me, Smokey?" I asked as he threw me down on the floor, "You're ditching us. We're your family, I'm your family! We're protecting you kid. And this is the thank we get? You just dropping everything and walking away? That's weak. You're weak,"
"Blame me all you want Smoke. I still ain't staying here," I whispered while getting up from the floor.
I grabbed my jacked and walked towards the door before hearing Smoke shout, "Don't you dare coming back to Craydon, Bobo. You'll be a dead man," 
I opened the door and shut it before heading over to Danielle's car. My mom was in the front seat while Ash and I sat in the back seats. I glanced up the Smoke's apartment window and sat him just looking down at me with his beer bottle in his hand.
"Ready to go?" Danielle asked while my eyes were still locked on Smoke.
"Yeah," I whispered as she slowly drove away.