tyler always felt nerves before a show, but tonight was different.
he felt wrong.
an all-too-familiar voice in the back of his head was taunting him, sneering and guaranteeing that something would go wrong.
don't go.
i have to.
you can't.
tyler blinked twice, hard. he needed to clear his thoughts. this was stupid; going onstage was his passion. it was his escape.
however, his mind had other thoughts about the matter.
he stood abruptly, deciding then and there that the only cure for this sudden problem was solitude. tyler made a beeline for some sort of exit door, somewhere to be alone. somewhere to think.
tyler prayed that none of their fans would "accidentally" bump into him. the clique was a beautiful thing, if not slightly problematic, but now was not the time for conversing about the meaning of his songs, or for answering questions about his tattoos. he probably wouldn't make it through a single questiom without bursting into tears.
as he marched forward, a familiar face rounded the corner. josh approached tyler giddily, the pre-performance exhileration showing in his smile.
tyler grimaced weakly, hoping that he could pass as happy. pleasant. fine.
i am not as fine as i seem.
but, being tyler's best friend, josh saw through the facade immediately. his face morphed from happiness to concern.
"what's the matter, ty?"
tyler scratched the back of his neck, looking towards the floor.
"i don't feel great."
josh cocked his head slightly. "is it your stomach? because a little redbull can totally fix you up." he lightly hit tyler's shoulder and grinned.
tyler didn't so much as smirk.
this worried josh. he pulled tyler out of the hallway and into the dressing room around the corner. tyler sank lifelessly into the cushions, and josh took a seat beside him. josh put a hand on tyler's shoulder and looked him in the eyes.
"hey. seriously, what's up?"
tyler met josh's worried eyes. "i don't feel good."
"yeah, uh...you said that."
"no," tyler said, his voice straining with emotion. "i don't feel good about tonight. he's in my head for the first time in, like, months. i don't want to perform tonight, but i have to. i have to."
josh's eyes widened, and he put a strong arm around tyler's frame. tyler instinctively leaned into josh, warmth surrounding him. he immediately began to feel safe.
"i'm sorry ty. do you know why he's back in your brain? did something happen?"
tyler snuggled his head into josh's side. "i'm just so tired all the time. and you'd think that, what, with all the performing and jumping around, that i'd sleep like a baby at the end of the day. but i can't sleep. i have no idea why. i feel disgusting in the mornings."
tyler didn't share the part about waking up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, a nightmare just barely fading out of his brain. he didn't share the part about hearing a noose creak against a tree, then snapping his eyes open to reveal nothing. it scared him.
"ah, crap." tyler muttered, a twinge of fright pulsating through him. he squeezed his eyed shut as if he was in pain, and in a way he was.
"ty?" josh looked at the man next to him.
tyler's breathing was speeding up. he felt horrible.
"can you...can you hold me? for a bit?"
josh smiled lovingly at the brown-eyed boy beside him. josh laid down slowly, and tyler followed. josh put his arms around tyler's small frame, keeping his friend safe. tyler grabbed onto josh's hand, squeezing lightly to let the thoughts out of his brain.
"you're okay now, tyler. you're okay here." josh breathed, sending shivers down tyler's neck.
this was a good feeling. this was making the bad thoughts go away. tyler needed this.
he closed his eyes, oblivious to the flush creeping across josh's face.
tyler opened his eyes and looked drowsily at josh's tattoo. he always remarked on how sick it was. the colors were so vivid and beautiful, reminding tyler of a sunset. the tattoo looked almost like an artist's brain had been emptied onto the once-bare skin of josh's arm. tyler brought josh's arm to his face, and placed a series of delicate kisses down it.
he felt josh smile behind him.
josh was ecstatic. every so often, the two would cuddle briefly, or hug for longer than usual. once, tyler even slapped josh's butt onstage. that was interesting, for both josh and the audience.
but the kisses were new.
recently, tyler had been placing kisses on josh's cheeks, or shoulders, or arms. whenever he did so, he would grin wildly. it was sweet, and it made josh feel a special type of happy.
tyler squirmed around momentarily, trying to get as close to josh as possible.
josh wrapped his arms around the other boy even tighter, refusing to let this moment end.
"you're my best friend. you're my best friend. you're mine." tyler muttered sleepily, craving a nap more than anything in the world.
just as he began to doze off, he felt josh's lips on the back of his neck. they grazed the skin lightly, lingering ever-so-gently.
"i love this band." tyler whispered, earning a quiet chuckle from josh.
"and i love you." josh replied.
✧
eventually, the boys were forced off of the couch by an annoyed mark. this wasn't the first time he'd walked in on tyler and josh snoozing on a couch, cuddled up together.
"alright, alright! get up, kiddos. you have a show to do, remember?" mark groused.
tyler stood up and stretched. "oh, shush. you're just mad that i get cuddles and you don't. i'm the lead singer, so that's just how it works."
mark scoffed in amusement. he looked over at josh, who was sitting on the couch. "how do you deal with this...this utter disrespect?"
josh shrugged. "he's good at being cuddled. so that's all i really care about."
"that's the only reason josh is in the band." tyler feigned dissapointment. "i'm being used for my talents."
mark smirked. "shut up, go get ready for your show. no more physical contact until then."
mark exited the room, flashing the boys the i'm watching you sign as he departed.
tyler turned to josh. "thanks for that. i don't feel half-as-bad as i did fifteen minutes ago."
"no problem. it's the highlight of my job!"
tyler smiled sincerely, and realized that josh would never know how truly happy he made tyler.
laughing, the boys made their way to the wardrobe area. they retrieved their suits and masks, and went to get changed. before they parted ways, tyler grabbed josh's shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek.
"good luck, spooky."
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
a/n
before i write anything else, i would just like to acknowledge the fact that YES i do know that tyler is married, and i respect that 100%. i love jenna and im all for jyler. however, i also live for joshler. these one shots are gonna be on the "realistic side" (??), so tyler IS married in these oneshots unless i specifically say otherwise.
-ur local dad
ps: i've never written anything like this before so get ready for a wild ride
