secrets || j.m.b [currently under editing]

.•°TWENTY-TWO°•.

*1 Week Later*

Dakotah's POV

I was sitting on the couch in the living room, scrolling through all the comments on the picture Kelianne put on Instagram. It was a picture that she took of me and Joey sleeping.

Some of the comments were positive but a monitory of them were hurtful. Why do I get so much hate? Like, what did I ever do to them?

I sighed and stood up, walking into the kitchen to see Hunter going through the cabinets.

"Hey big daddy." I said jokingly, causing Hunter to laugh and turn around to me.

"Where's the cups?" He asked as he closed the cabinet he had just looking in.

"The one right above the dishwasher." I said pointing to it.

He nodded his head and grabbed a cup, grabbing the orange juice from the fridge and pouring himself a glass.

I gave him a half smile before walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Only to be stopped by Tayler, Kelianne, and Cody.

"Me, Cody, Kelianne, Hunter, and Brandon are going to the mall. Wanna come?" Tay asked me.

I shook my head no. Wait...where's Joey?

"Where's Joey?" I asked while tilting my head sideways a little bit.

"He has an all day photo shoot to do. He said he'll come over tomorrow." Cody told me.

I nodded my head and they all went down the stairs.

I walked down the hall to the room that Ashton, Brandon, Hunter, and Mama Rowland were staying in. I knocked twice and opened the door.

Christine looked up and her eyebrows furrowed wen she realized that it was me.

"I thought you guys were going to the mall?" She said but it came out as more of a question.

"I wanted to stay here." I told her while walking over and sitting on the end of the bed that Ashton was sleeping in.

"Oh, well in that case, would you mind watching Ashton for me? I have to go back to Arizona but the boys are staying until April 27th. Ashton wanted to stay but he didn't want to got the mall." She explained after she asked me to watch Ashton.

"Of course I'll watch him Mama. Have fun back in Arizona." I said while hugging her.

"I'll try." She said as she pulled away and kissed my forehead. "I gotta go. I'll see you on your birthday." She said as she smiled at me and left.

I stood there until I heard the front door close. Then I stood up and walked into my room, grabbing a notebook and a pen and writing a small note to Ashton.

'Mama Rowland went back to Arizona. I said I'd watch you so you can stay in LA with Hunter and Brando. I'm somewhere in the house, come find me. Love you.
~~Kotahhhh <3'

I walked back into his room and put it on the pillow, right next to his head.

I quietly walked out of his room and into mine. I decided to go live so I grabbed my MacBook, and set it up.

****

I've been live for about an hour. Ashton's still asleep and the boys aren't back yet.

"Ok cuties, I'm gonna guest one more person then I'm gonna get off." I said as I scrolled through the guest que.

I saw a girl who was really pretty. She had lilac hair, and light hazel eyes. I smiled as I guested her.

The screen split in half and she appeared on the other half.

"Listen her you fat ugly bitch. Stay away from Joey. He doesn't really like you. He's just pretending to like you because he feels bad. He's gonna leave you sooner or later. And you know it. I mean, who would want to stay with someone who's as fat, as ugly, and as worthless as you are? You're a wasted life and such a waste of air and space. No wonder why you only have a mom. Your dad was scared of you because you were so ugly. And Tayler's barely around because he hates you but he has to be nice. That's why your moms always on business trips and you're at your so called friends house." She said. She continued but by now I was crying.

I quickly dropped her and ended the broadcast. I ran over and locked my bedroom door and slid down it, as I continued crying.

I pulled my phone of of my hoodie pocket and dialed Joey's number.

****

I've tried calling everyone, but it all went straight to voicemail.

"Ugh!" I screamed through my tears and threw my phone across my room.

I curled into a ball and continued crying. I closed my eyes and all the hate kept running through my mind.

I stood up and walked into my bathroom. I threw open the cupboard doors under the sink and threw everything around until I found my box.

I opened it and took out a random blade and a bottle of sleeping pills.

I threw the box and the rest of its contents across my bathroom. I grabbed the gauze, a black washcloth, a towel, medical tape, and Neosporin.

I stripped out of my clothes and turned on the shower. I grabbed my make up wipes and took off all my make up.

I threw the dirty makeup wipes into the sink, grabbed the blade I took out, and got into the shower.

I soaked my body before looking down at all of my scars. I cut on each wrist a few times before moving on to my thighs. I cut a few times on each leg. I rinsed the blood off of my legs and arms before writing the word 'worthless' on my stomach.

I rinsed off the blood and threw the blade onto the shower floor, turning off the water and stepping out of the shower.

I wrapped up my wrists, legs, and stomach, before changing into a pair of black joggers and my black crew neck sweatshirt that said 'Stressed Depressed But Well Dressed' on it in white. I left my bedroom door locked, and laid down on my bed.

I heard a knock on my door, followed by Ashton's voice.

"Kotah, I seen your broadcast. Nothing that the girl said is true. Please let me in." I heard him say. It sounded like he was crying.

A few minutes later I heard the front door open followed by a whole bunch of footsteps coming up the stairs.

I put in my ear buds and turned on my music. I laid down, closing my eyes, and I fell into what I thought would be a dreamless sleep.