Princess Die ( A Lady Gaga Fan Fiction)

3. I Wish That I Could Cope, But I Took Pills And Left A Note

Warning! Possibly triggering material ahead. Do not read if you are easily triggered! xoxo

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3.

We got back to the hotel in a matter of minutes and thankfully there were no paparazzi there just yet. Tara and I got out of the limo and went up to my room. I exhaled a breath of relief as I sat on the giant circular bed; Tara sat beside me and began stroking my hair, "What's wrong?" she said with her innocent, endearing puppy eyes. I smiled at her and tucked a strand of her long blonde hair behind her ear, "I'm just not myself today." I said trying not to worry her even further than I already had. I could tell she wasn't' convinced so I changed the subject. "Lets do my hair!" I suggested out of the blue, "My roots are starting to show." I attempted a laugh. She  laughed a bit to and got up to get the dye.

We laughed and talked as if all was normal, I seemed to have reassured her that I was alright and that put me at ease a bit as well. However, I was not alright and had begun thinking very unsafe thoughts. But I wasn't about to tell anyone and have it splattered all over the internet for my precious Little Monsters to see and it would worry Tara half to death. So instead, I came up with an idea that would hopefully distract me from my pain.

"Tara?"

"Yes, lovely?" she replied. 

"Let's throw a party! Tonight!"

"But, Gaga, are you sure your'e feeling well enough?" she said slightly confused at my sudden statement.

"Yes, yes, of course. It's just what I need right now." I said smiling. She nodded in agreement.

We spent the rest of the afternoon getting everything together and inviting everyone who coud come. Surprisingly enough, most everyone we invited was able to make it. Even Oprah, Donatella and Jeff Koons came.  We had the party hosted at our hotel out in the massive pool area and it was wonderful even though we had just put it together in an afternoon. The music was pounding, everyone was drinking and talking and having a good time. Tara and I came down from the hotel room and began mingling and drinking as well; it was fabulous.

After a couple of hours, Tara and I both got really drunk and were sitting by the pool on some lounge chairs in a far corner of the pool area away from everyone and the party. "T-Tara.." I said shakily laughing as I spilled most of my whiskey, "Yes, Gaga?" she replied laughing, catching me as I began to tumble over a bit, "I love you!" I exclaimed. Tara laughed, "I love you too!" she said. "No I really am in love with you, Tara!" I said, dropping my glass of whiskey and jumping on top of her. I began kissing her passionately, digging my nails into her shoulders and much to my surprise, she returned the kiss with just as much, if not more vigor. Grabbing my shoulders she lifted me up and turned over so she was on top of me. Deepening the kiss, she opened her mouth letting my desperate tongue play with hers. We were going to do it right here...we didn't care who might see.  I had begun undoing my Louis Vuitton white button down just as a memory flashed before my eyes: Taylor and I....the first time we made love. As the memory disappeared as fast as it came, just like before. I pulled away from Tara and gently stopped her left hand just before it reached between my legs; tears welled in my eyes."Stefani? Baby are you alright?" Tara said, I exhaled and recomposed myself, "Yeah, I'm fine." I said forcing a laugh, "Just had a few too many. I can't do this right now, Tara, I'm sorry."

"Oh, baby, its okay!" said Tara, sitting up and taking me in her arms holding my quivering body.

 After that Tara and I both took it easier on the booze and just stayed around the pool chatting with whoever came by, but that flashback was still on my mind;  it replayed over and over again, tormenting me with what almost was. I couldn't stand this much longer.

Before I knew what was happening, I excused myself and had gone up to my room. I found myself in my suites bathroom staring in the mirror. My soft porcelain hand reached into one of my many makeup bags, this one I happened to keep my sleeping pills in. Sometimes I needed a little assistance calming down after a two hour straight, high energy show, so I had them around. Yes, they had helped my in the past...maybe they could help me now. I pulled the white cap off the orange bottle and looking into the mirror the entire time, opened my mouth and began putting one capsule on my tongue after the other as I mentally counted."1...2...3...4...5...6..." I began swallowing them there; and just as they stroked my esophagus, I realized what I was doing, "Oh dear, God!" I cried, dropping the orange bottle onto the floor. I rushed to the toilet, bent over it and sticking my finger down my throat began vomiting the pills back up before I ingested them. After a solid 10 minutes of vomiting (once I started all the booze from earlier came back up as well, extending the process longer that I had liked) , I just laid there on the bathroom floor, sprawled among the scattered sleeping pills and my shame."What has happened too me?" I thought to myself; but the thoughts of leaving this world had still not completely left my mind. If I was going to leave this world...I wanted everyone too see. I stood up and once again reached into my makeup bag, this time retrieving my ruby red lipstick and taking it I wrote on the mirror, "The Final Act Of Life Will Be In My Own Hands To Do, I'll Be A Princess Di And Die With You, Applaud, Pour Vous."

To be continued! xoxo