My mind is buzzing, racing with thoughts.
And I feel like my emotions are a mess. I confess I'm not the easiest person to deal with.
Like a roller coaster going round and round. No matter what, I am forever bound. Keep being told this isn't normal.
This couldn't/ shouldn't/ wouldn't happen if it was normal...
But what makes up "normal" anyway?
Is it being calm no matter what? I can't do it and you know that!
Spending months without crying or having a break down? Always hidding, in the end, I'm just a lying clown.
Without real reason, I feel numb. Where is all of this coming from? Freezing hands and headaches. It's just making my heart ache...
My mind is buzzing, racing with thoughts...
And I can't sleep without mind yelling at me the thousands of things I've done wrong. I'm sorry but I'm not that strong. I could have/would have/should have done better. Chained down by a fetter. Re-imagining situations, realities which are not/could not/will not be real. It's not valid what I feel. Fighting my mind over and over. I'm in pain, begging for a minute of peace so I can fall asleep again. But no matter what I try it never goes away...
My mind is buzzing, racing with thoughts.
And although I probably should I can't concentrate on the work at hand. I am stressing, the deadlines biting and eating me up. There's a noise over there, a buzz from my phone, people talking everywhere a light here, a light there and I just want to explode.
It's been three hours I can't even write a couple words.
Which could be/would be/should be easy enough...
But my mind is buzzing, racing with thoughts.
And I can't help but wonder if it should be this way. Because right now, everything seems so grey.
Am I the only one? I'm already done. My mood swings go from the roof to the ground and I wonder if I'll ever be found. Sometimes I feel like this is how it's supposed to be. Like it doesn't matter whether I'm free. That this is what people feel and that I just haven't healed.
Yet other times I end up feeling like a fool, being shut down/shut up/shut out by those I felt cared and understood.
Is this normal?
I am too afraid to ask, instead, I hide behind this mask. For I can see how this mind of mine works, taking something from someone and calling it mine, it doesn't matter if I cross the line. Whether it'd be a harmless trait, a confusion or a major question of insanity. So I don't bother asking because I would be/should be/could be making this up.
I see people worried about me, about this constant buzzing/racing/swinging thoughts of mine and I wonder if I should tell them that I'm worried too...
Because my mind is buzzing, racing with thoughts... and I can't help it.
