I feel like that blurry scene has been stuck on repeat since it happened.
I keep reliving that moment over and over again. Looking at your eyes: dark, bold, wild. Just like you. The way they emerge from your messy fringe as you look up to me. We're stuck. Undecided on whether to take the steps up to the next floor or down, exploring unknown corridors.
I keep reliving that moment over again. The excited butterflies rushing in my stomach, not sure whether they are there because everything was all too new or because you were looking at me. The giggle rising up my throat, joking about fake marriages and how to get away with skipping class.
I keep reliving that moment again. Thinking about all the "What ifs". What if i had asked to know about you? Maybe the walk would've felt longer, maybe we would've stopped by the stairs and talked about what makes our hearts beat and pushes us to keep living. What if we had climbed up to the roof? Maybe we would've made it, and wondered what on earth we were thinking, quickly followed by me freaking out about getting in trouble; or maybe we would've been caught, and gotten ourselves into a mess that can't be explained away with "We were bored". What if we hadn't been caught? Maybe we would've stood there awkwardly in the dimly lit room and would've promptly left, moved on to find new places. Or maybe we would've stayed there, left to wonder how you can barely even know someone, and yet stand there in awe, looking at every distinctive feature and having the inexplicable urge to know what their lips must feel like against yours...
I keep reliving that moment. But I'm no longer in that moment. I'm here instead, just confused as to what is happening. Unsure what to do now, it's not like we talk outside of our once-in-a-long-while walks. Should I say something? What can I say? Should I even bother or care? But most importantly, I wonder if there will be a next time.
