Ow! Head is banging, I can feel something coming up from my stomach into my throat…OH SHIT I’m going to throw up. I run into Effy’s bathroom lean into the toilet and throw up, I sit there for while lolling my head back and forth, and I really don’t need to get sick all over myself or over anyone’s carpet. I feel so much better now. I slowly walk back into Effy’s bedroom, Lily and she are fast asleep, I was wide awake so there was no way I could fall asleep again.
I go downstairs and head for the kitchen to make myself a coffee, I hated instant but it was all I could find. I went back to her room to find a laptop, it was under her bed where the rest of her things usually end after a boozy night. I log on to my blog (I started a text blog after my mum left, it was shit to start with but I eventually started getting more into it) it’s amazing how many reads my blog gets, I guess there’re people who really want to read about my dad getting diagnosed, my netball tournaments and how I’m coping without my mum…until now.
For the past hour and a half I’ve been writing about my mum coming back, my night out with the girls which really ended up becoming “get lost then find them at home” kind of night and Ivan but the girls still haven’t woken up, I shut the laptop down and go in search for something loud and noisy. All I could find was a whistle, so I blow it three times and they wake up…sort of they look like they’re zombies right now, Lily lazily throws a pillow at me “dude it’s…” she looks at her lock screen “12:30 and fuck I have 10 missed calls from my mum she’s gonna freak” she jumps out of bed and goes out into the hallway to call her mum.
“So…wanna stay here for another couple of days?” Effy asks talking about my mum.
“No I need to face her someday”
“Seriously though babe whenever”
“Where’s Carla?” Effy’s mum was Carla and she usually works from home but I haven’t seen her today.
“I don’t even know she just left with Bob” Bob was Carla’s boyfriend, I’ve met him once and he wasn’t very pleasant.
“Oh so wait you’re living on your own, for how long?”
“Erm for like another 2 hours…Carla must have e-mailed dad about leaving me, he ain’t gonna let me live on my own he went ballistic when he found out”
“So you’re moving…” I couldn’t sound anymore selfish, I needed Effy here.
“Dad’s moving in but…”
“The step-mum and you not the best combination”
“Yeah” that’s where our conversation ended, Lily walked in with the sourest face.
“Mum grounded me, GROUNDED ME!”
“How long?” we asked in unison.
“Until the end of the century, I’m fifteen aren’t I? Why do I still get grounded?” we all started laughing and fell on top of the bed.
***
I was standing outside my house debating whether or not I should go in. Too late. “Frey? W-what are you doing out here?” she was stammering, she was nervous and it was to my enjoyment. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t even crack a smile, and I just walked into my house and went straight to Dad.
“Good night?” Dad asked trying not to sound so guilty after yesterday’s events.
“Yeah…No...What? How long will she stay?” changing the subject to Mum.
“She as in your mum, sweetheart you can’t stay mad at her forever”
“I can try” I was barely speaking with that but I knew Dad heard me, I left the room to take a shower.
The steamy, hot water was running through my skin it was fine, welcoming. I’ve washed my hair and my body and I was standing under the head of the shower, water cascading down on me, my strawberry shower gel has filled the shower room with its aroma, my I-Pod was playing a Black Kids track. Eventually I got out I wrapped a towel around myself and left the bathroom for my bedroom. I wore my Ramones t-shirt and my black skinny jeans, my hair was still damp but I didn’t bother blow drying it I just let my wavy curls hang down pass my shoulders. I looked decent.
There was about a week left until school re-opened, I’ve done all I was supposed to do when Dad’s brother came round for the week. Lily was grounded, Effy was sorting her living arrangements out, Brett was on vacation, Kevin...Kevin is probably with some girl he met at a random party and everyone else I sort of cut off since the end of last year. I decided I might as well go down to the beach, I couldn’t stand to stay in this house knowing Mum was “bonding” with Leo. I put my converses on and left.
***
I was at the top of the beach and down at the bottom was someone sitting on the sand, the beach is usually empty this time of the summer, I was walking toward them when I started recognize him. It was Ivan. Never did I think I’d see him again but here I am him 2 meters away from me. I sat beside him keeping a suitable distance between us, “Hi” he said in his cool but deep voice it’s less hoarse than before. It was just past 6pm and I could see him perfectly this time, he had messy locks of a dark shade of brunette almost black, sweeping across his face, he was pale…really pale. He snapped his head to the side facing me, he was frowning at me, and his smile was hiding his laughter. I was staring.
“Oh…erm hi” fuck fuck fuck I sound like a stupid 13 years old meeting her idol she only ever dreams of. “W-what are you doing down at the beach? Is this your place or something?” I laughed genuinely looking pleased with my sarcasm.
“No I hate the beach.” He was looking straight at the sea. I think my eyes were wide open and my jaw had dropped because he was looking at me with such amusement “I lived in London, It’s a city, no beaches, apart from South-end which is pretty shitty and far, shows how much you were listening”
“What?”
He was laughing shaking his head in some sort of disagreement “look, last night I don’t know why I told you the stuff I did you obviously haven’t had it tough…” I can smell the sharp smell of whisky coming from his breath, “you’re just a kid.”
“Oh my god and you’re not”
“No, see I border line on teenager-“ I punched him on the shoulder making him fall back onto the sand. His blue eyes were staring, burning holes into my green eyes. All too quickly he grabbed my waist with one arm when I realised his feet were naked and his jeans had been rolled up slightly, he was heading for the sea and I started screaming
When I was 8 Mum took me to these swimming lessons, Dad always worked late so he never had the time to take me. It was kind of like our mother and daughter time, she taught me to swim and hold my breath under the water and so much more. We went every Friday for two years until she got bored of playing happy family and decided to leave. Dad took it upon himself to start taking me to my swimming lessons, on the first lesson after Mum left I went into the pool, everything was fine until I started having a panic attack in the deep end, Dad thought I was having an asthma attack from too much swimming but the doctor explained it was some sort of shock to my brain swimming without my mum afraid I’d lose something else. I’ve not swam since then, I don’t hate water I just hate swimming.
“Ivan fucking put me down now!” he didn’t hesitate he put me down straight away. I ran to the shore, he stood there still in the sea, his eyebrows frowning making a crinkle in the middle, then he started laughing. How stupid of me? I actually thought he’d say something sincere.
“Oh my god, I’m dying” he was holding his stomach trying not to fall.
“Ha. Ha. Ha. But you are though aren’t you? You stupid alcoholic” mentioning the whisky I smelt earlier, my voice was calm.
“Ouch, that hurt Frey” sarcasm was practically oozing out.
“Screw you, you don’t know shit” and with that I left.
