Gravity

7

AUTHOR'S POV

"Maine.. Is this what you want huh?"

"Yes, I want you. I love you, Rj.. I--"

Before she could say anything else, Rj pinned her to the nearest wall and furiously kissed her, with his tongue delving into her mouth. She responded by placing her hands around his neck and letting him in. Then he placed his hands on her waist and back, grabbing her flesh, squeezing them, as if letting out all his frustration. He ripped open her blouse, buttons flying everywhere, forcefully bringing it down her shoulders and arms and throwing it to the other side of the room, before removing his own top and dropping it to the ground. She noticed something shiny around his neck; it was a necklace with the engagement ring.

He lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her to the bedroom and set her down on the bed. He came on top of her, again bringing his lips on hers. She dug her nails on his back, pulled him closer, closing the distance between them, letting him feel that she wanted him. He grabbed her head by the hair and tilted to the the side, to give himself access to her neck. He sucked, nibbled and feasted on her skin, which made her moan his name.

"Rj.."

Unaware, tears started to fall from his eyes again and suddenly he snapped out of his trance and pulled away from her.

"I.. I can't do this, Maine. I can't do this to you.."

"No.. Rj.. I want you.. Please, dito ka lang please.."

And with that, he got up and sat on the side of her bed, placing his face between his hands. She embraced him from behind, placing her chin on his shoulders, giving it a kiss.

He couldn't help but sob. He himself wanted this, not just his body. He wanted to be with her, but all the hurt and pain he's feeling is getting in the way. But, he still loves her, with all his heart, there's no question about that. And he doesn't want this to be their first time, not like this.

"I love you, Rj. Please, paniwalaan mo naman ako. Alam kong malaki ang kasalanan ko sayo, dahil iniwan kita pero hindi ko yun ginawa lang para sa akin. Ginawa ko yun for us. Please, look at me."

She grabbed on to the sheets and placed it over her half naked body. Grabbing Rj's face, placing it between her hands, she turned his face towards hers, and finally, after 5 long months, they set gaze on each other. Eye to eye. She saw a mix of anger, pain and sadness in his eyes. And she longed to take those away.

"Rj, please.. Love, please.."

"I.."

"Kinailangan kong lumayo, Rj, kasi, nakikita kong masyado nang umiikot ang mundo natin sa isa't-isa, at unti-unti nang nawawala kung sino tayo. Ayokong umabot sa point na tuluyang hindi ko na makita si Meng at Rj. I had to pull away, to give us a chance to grow apart, before we could grow together. I admit, I was selfish, kasi hindi kita binigyan ng chance magadjust. And believe me when I say, it was so hard for me too. Akala mo ba masaya akong wala ka? Hindi, I just put out a front, para hindi na sila magtanong. But deep inside, miss na miss kita. Miss ko yung yakap mo, yung halik mo at yung presence mo. I was dying inside. And now, bumalik ako kasi, gusto kong malaman mo na mahal kita. Mahal na mahal, at hindi nagbago yun.

"Maine, I.."

"Shhh. I'm not finished. Alam ko ang sabi ko sayo na kaya ko gusto ng space ay para mahanap yung sarili ko. And I did everything that I've been doing before we started, before Aldub started. And sa una, naging masaya ako. Kasi nagawa ko ulit yung mga bagay na hindi ko magawa nung andito ako sa tabi mo. But then as time passed, I realized one thing; I already found myself when you came into my life."

"Pero ang sakit eh. Kasi sa pag-alis mo, dala mo yung puso ko, Meng. Alam mo ba kung gano kahirap yun? Yung paggising mo, marerealize mo na wala na yung pinakamamahal mo. I thought you would never come back, kaya sinanay ko na yung sarili kong wala ka. Pero mas masakit pala nung bumalik ka, kasi lahat ng sakit bumalik eh."

"I know, Rj. And I'm really really sorry. At isang pang rason kaya ako lumayo kasi gusto ko maging sigurado tayo sa nararamdaman natin sa isa't-isa. I wanted us to be sure that we really love each other, even through the tough times. It's a way to test us. Alam mo naman na ang isang relasyon ay hindi puro kilig at saya lang. We need to go through tough times to mold us and strengthen our relationship. Alam mo, during those 5 months, pinigilan ko talaga yung sarili kong bumalik sayo, kaya I distracted myself. Umalis ako ng bansa, nagsulat, nagluto, lahat na yata pinaglibangan ko. But something always brings me back to you, it has always been you. Kaya, I told myself, if we're really meant for each other, we will always find our way back. And now, I found myself back to you, and I hope you feel the same way too, Rj."

He pulled her into a tight embrace, as tears kept flowing from both their eyes.

"Mahal na mahal kita, Meng. Hindi naman nagbago yun. Ikaw pa rin yung laman ng puso at isip ko."

Meng. He called her Meng again.

"Mahal na mahal din kita, Rj. And nothing in this world that can ever change that. Please, come back to me please, love."

As they pulled away from their embrace, he placed his forehead on hers.

"Please, give me time, Meng. I love you, I do. But I need to figure this out. Masakit pa rin, pero--"

"I understand, Rj. Please know, that I'm here for good. Hindi na ko aalis, at maghihintay akong maging handa ka na ulit bumalik sa akin."

"Thank you, Meng. But, I want to give you this.."

He took of the necklace with the engagement ring around his neck..

"When I proposed to you, thank you for turning me down. I know you saw it was out of desperation. And now, I want you to hold on to this. When you're ready, I'll know if I see this on your ring finger. Okay?"

"Yes, Rj.. Thank you.. But can you please do me a favor?"

"Ano yun?"

"Stay.."