In Too Deep

"Be Selfish With Your Happiness."

Erin

A week went by with me working and avoiding Ryder. Work was my domain now. It was a safety zone for me. Anywhere other than my apartment was a safety zone. I couldn't look Ryder in the face after the last time he was at my apartment. I felt like we were avoiding each other. I wanted to be his friend, but I couldn't help the way that he was feeling about me. Maybe it was for the better, though.

How was I supposed to coddle him? It wasn't my fault. That's what I kept thinking all week. It was nowhere near my fault. But then again, would he feel that way if I hadn't kissed him? Would he feel that way if we hadn't had sex twice? I had to take ownership of that much at least. I wanted things to resume to normal, as normal as they could be between the two of us.

"Erin?" Amber called out to me. I looked up from the milkshake machine for a moment before turning it off before it overflowed. She crinkled her eyebrows together in concern. Lately, she noted that I'd been off. Something was wrong, she kept telling me. I tried to make it less noticeable that my head was not into taking and serving orders and making milkshakes. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm cool." I pressed my lips together and wiped the excess chocolate goodness off the side of the glass. I felt Amber's eyes on me as I reached for another glass below the counter. "What Amber?" I huffed, trying to focus on what I was doing.

Amber slid over to me, typing something into the register before looking at me. "Take the day off, your head isn't in the right state of mind." She instructed, reaching for the half full glass in my hand. I jerked it away from her as I shook my head. I needed the pay, I couldn't just go home.

"No, I have until six o'clock and it's barely even two." I protested, meeting her eye as I set both milkshakes on a serving platter. Amber shook her head and grabbed the platter before I could even get a grip on it. "Amber."

"Erin, go home. All week you've been up and down, staring off into space. This isn't the first milkshake you've almost screwed up this week." Amber nudged me out of the way, double checking the ticket from the table I was serving. I opened my mouth to argue with her but then closed it once I saw the look on her face. "Go home. You can pick your check up tomorrow and I'll cover for you. I'll tell them you felt sick." She whispered before walking away, placing the two frosted glasses on the table.

I wiped a hand down my face, snatching my apron from around my waist. I hated that I couldn't even keep it together for the sake of work. When there was a lot on my mind I failed to function properly. Everything between Ryder and I, and then on top of that, I'd been thinking about Trent. He hadn't called like he said he would. I didn't know what to think of it. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he realized that I wasn't exactly what he wanted. He lost interest somehow. Our conversation bored him to absolute death. It didn't seem that way the night before, but perhaps he changed his mind over the course of this week.

This was the exact reason why I didn't want to date.

On my way home, I stopped to get a coffee at Dunkin Donuts. A coffee coolatta would hopefully calm my nerves. I was waiting for my order when I saw the back of what had to be Jacob's head. The employee behind the counter was passing him two large cases of donuts with a to-go cup container filled with two drinks. He was definitely picking stuff up for Savannah. She was addicted to donuts of any kind from anywhere. When he turned around and saw me he froze. He needed to get comfortable around me because I wasn't going to bite him or anything.

"Hey, didn't see you there." Jacob laughed a little. I smiled and glanced at the bag of donuts in his hands. "Yeah, she wanted some. Sav thinks I'm bringing her like two, but I just figured..." He let his voice trail off a little. I sighed and reached over, pulling a few napkins out of the dispenser. I passed them to him.