You had planned to visit Liam this coming weekend, but now with school and work and everything else crashing down you know you're going to have to cancel. And you're totally disappointed! Canceling means no getting out of town, no sightseeing, no funny times with the boys, no memories made, and most unfortunately, no Liam. But, even though it's a hard choice, you know it's the best choice, so you call Liam and explain to him the situation. He doesn't have much time to talk, but, as usual, he is understanding and kind, agreeing that you need to take the time to make sure you are getting everything done and enough rest. You can't help but notice something in his voice— something you can't quite define, but know is significant— something laced with sadness despite his efforts for a chipper tone. Unable to ask him then due to his time constraints, you make him promise to call you the next time he gets a chance, to which he easily agrees.
In the meantime, you text Zayn to make sure everything is going okay with the band and shows and such, and he responds in the affirmative, letting you know that everything is fine, although Liam has been rather down lately. "I think he misses home— misses you. He's really excited to see you this weekend. I think it'll help him get out of this place." one of his texts reads, making you feel even worse for canceling your trip... and for Liam. He was already down, and now you've made it worse. You sigh as you text Zayn back to let him know that you're not coming.
When Liam finally calls you again, it's late in the night when you're already in bed and surfing the internet to stay awake.
"Hello?" you answer.
"Hey babe, it's me. You alright?" His voice responds casually.
"Yeah, and you?" you answer customarily and he murmurs in the affirmative. "How was your day?" you ask, your words meaning more than he realizes.
"It was good." He responds, obviously tired, but still trying to keep up appearance, "Lots of interviews and press stuff. Tonight we did a charity event which was pretty cool."
You can tell he's struggling to be excited. "Liam.." you start.
"Yeah, love?" he responds, his voice still painfully cheerful, even though you know if he were to smile it wouldn't make it to his eyes. You admire his strength and his control, but you want the truth.
"I can tell you're upset, babe, tell me what's going on." You softly speak, gentle in your approach, but cutting to the point. There is a pause and a sigh before he tries to answer, knowing you won't take anything less than the naked truth.
"I'm alright, love, I just.. I'm having a bit of a hard time right now. I just miss home a lot, I miss my family... I miss you." He responds, emotions welling up in his throat and causing a tear to sting at your eye.
"I mean, I am so grateful for everything that we have and all the success and the shows and everything! I really am, and I wouldn't trade it for the world—" he continues, and you know he means it, "I just get tired sometimes. And it's hard to be in a different city every night. I'm so glad I have the boys, but it's just not the same. It may sound silly, but I really do miss my own bed sometimes." He lets out a small, sad chuckle, more of a whimper than anything else.
"It's not silly." You comment and smile, trying not to let your tears slip out.
"And under no circumstances would I let you come out this weekend because your health and studies and work and everything are way more important—" he prefaces authoritatively, "But.. I'm.. I'm really disappointed you won't be coming. Things have been busy for both of us, and that's okay, but.. not talking so much and everything has been really hard. I just miss you a lot, and it's made it much harder to be excited about everything else." He admits, the emotions he tried to hold in previously coming back with vengeance. "I'm not mad at you, not at all. I was just holding on to you coming.. holding out for it because I just needed it. Like I just thought that.. I don't know... maybe if I, like, got you in my arms... everything else wouldn't hurt quite so much."
Not being able to hold them in any longer, quiet tears slip down your cheeks. All you want to do is send yourself through the phone and give him a humungo bear hug, not letting go until he feels like he's home again.
"I'm sorry, Li." You mutter, trying to keep your tears from affecting your voice. For all the times he's been strong for you, he deserves you being strong for him for once.
"No, babe, don't apologize. It's not your fault." He encourages and you are amazed that even in his struggling he's still thinking of you.
"But I am. I'm so sorry that you're going through all this stuff. I'm sorry that I can't be there to help you feel better, that I can't be there to give you a huge hug and play with your hair and convince you everything's going to be alright." You speak, sharing a little chuckle with him.
"I know it is." He confirms.
"I know you know it is, but I want to be the one to remind you!" you cry, sad, but playing, and he laughs a bit. "I should be there to listen when you've had a hard day or when you're really excited about something or even just when you feel like saying nothing. I should be there." You ramble, still fighting a quavering voice. "I'm just.. I'm sorry things have to be like this. But you have to remember that despite all of it, we're still together and I still love you and.. nothing is ever going to change that. You have to remember that, Li." You caringly instruct. "This is just a season, we're going to make it through."
"I know.." he trails, obviously fighting tears himself, which makes your own catch in your throat, "I just miss you so much." He manages to get out before his voice drops and you know he's fighting tears.
In that moment, you are overwhelmed with a feeling of complete helplessness. You know he's hurting and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Even if you were able to magically transport yourself and hold him tight enough to squeeze out any doubts he may have, you still wouldn't be able to fix everything else. His heart would still hurt, and you couldn't do anything to stop it. And so, without either of you knowing any more words to say, you do the only thing you know to—let him know through quiet affirmations of love and gentle sniffles that you're there and that you care.
