New Everything

He's missed

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Chapter:2

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I walked all the way to a river side and sat there and played with the water.

I miss Victor so much and I hate talking about that because it makes me think about what could've been.

"Are you okay?" I heard someone ask from behind me.

"Yeah. I'm fine." I said not checking who it is cause I really don't care.

"No your not. You just moved here and your at my thinking spot so obviously something's wrong." Shane said and sat next to me. "Come on little one, tell Shane what's got you all depressed." He said and I smiled a bit. "Smile more. Smile more. Smile more." He whispered and I smiled wider. "Life goal number 634 achieved." He said then fist bumped the air and I laughed.

"You remind me of my best friend." I said and smiled sadly.

"What's he like?" He asked me.

"Dead." I said and started crying.

"I'm sorry. I'm not going to tell you it'll get better cause it won't. It gets harder actually. We just have to try to get over the loss and pain of them not being in our lives. Everyone loses someone very important it never gets easy and the pain never goes away but we have to try to deal with the loss and remember what good times and bad times we shared with that person." He said and hugged me as I cried.

"I just miss him so much. He was everything to me. My first everything. He held my hand when I got my first and second tattoos and he is my third one. He was there when I got all my piercing except for one of them. He helped me learn to ride a bike, drive, and the true meaning of living life with no regrets. I have regrets though. I regret not telling him that I loved him in more than a friend type of way." I said and Shane listened and never interrupted me.

"I'll be here for you. If you ever need to vent call me." He said and handed me his phone and I called my number then saved it in the phone.

"Thanks Shane. You really do remind me of him. He used to give me speeches and stuff like you just did. At his funeral I was the first person there and last to leave. I know it seems obsessive but I really cared for him and nobody can or will understand how much I love him." I said and took a deep breath then burst into tears again. "I miss him so much it hurts to think about him. I know I'm not supposed to cry cause he said if he died before me to only remember the good but it's hard to." I said and cried then Shane wrapped me in a tight hug and rocked side to side.

"Shhh. It's hard but he wouldn't want you to be crying so stop. Nobody signed up for a simple life so we have to deal with the complexity of life and being alive. Nobody gets what they bargained, for things just happen. Promises aren't meant to be broken but people break them all the time and that is one of the main reasons we suffer. You said you wouldn't cry and only think of the good but you broke that promise now your suffering. He knows you care so you don't have suffer anymore." He said and I calmed down a bit. "I come here to think. Sometimes I even come here to talk to my mom that passed away last year. She may not be here physically but I just want to talk to her just tell her about anything I do and anyone I meet." He said and stopped hugging me.

"So you want me to try that and see how I feel after?" I asked and he nodded. "Okay. Can I be alone though. Give me like 5-10 minutes. Maybe you can tell your mom about me." I said and he smiled.

"Trust me, I will. See you soon." He said then got up and walked further up the river side.

I closed my eyes then took a deep breath and opened my eyes.