The Hooded Hijabi

Handkerchief and Smile

Ali gets home late that night and finds me cleaning up the mess the men left behind in the living room. "Bloody h-", I eye Ali with a frown. He stops cursing midway and asks, trouble clearly visible on his face, "What's all this about?"

I brief him on what happened, skipping the parts where the red-haired man got nasty with me. "You should've called me! How dare they threaten my mother and sister like that! I'll see them!", Ali yells.

"And what is a fifteen year old going to do to those men? Look, I know you're mad but we need to calm down. This is serious, okay? One foolish mistake and we could go down. We need to be together. We'll work something out, okay? But first, I need you to cool down. For Ma, Ali?", I coax him.

He takes a deep breath, looks at me seriously and asks, "Alright, what's our plan?"

"I just got a job today so I'll be starting tomorrow. Sir Scott is kind and empathic so I think I can get two months' salary in advance if I explain to him my need. What about you? Any chance of getting your pay earlier?", I reply.

"Luckily, Donal's uncle, my boss, is a nice man so there might be a chance if Donal asks."

"Hmm, we have some money saved up in the bank. Ma might get a bonus because her school just launched a new program that Ma helped in setting up."

"Even if we get all of that, it's still not going to be enough."

"I know. So I'm going to sell Chevy", I say as I manage to keep my voice from quivering.

Ali stands up in an instant and cries out, "You what? But that's dad's car! You can't sell that! He gave it to you and you love it more than anything you have! You used to drive around that car with dad for hours. He taught you how to drive in that very same car! You cant, Api!"

"You think I have any room for sentiments in my decisions, Ali?", I raise my voice even higher. "I know what Chevy means to me but we need money, okay? It's either that or we lose this roof! Do you want that?"

This does the job of shutting Ali up. He sits back down on the sofa and looks blankly at the rug beneath his feet.

I scoot over to him and put my arm around him. I put my head on his shoulder and he puts his on mine in return. We sit there for minutes that seem like eternity, silently thinking of ways to deal with this matter.

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I wake up feeling like I had climbed a thousand stairs. Urgh! I can't go to the class today. I just can't. I close my eyes to go back to sleep but jolt right up in my bed. Crap! My job!

I look at my small eyes that are even smaller than usual because of the headache I have. I sigh at the sight of my pale face and natural, full lips that are drained of most of the color that they had before last night.

At least, my hair looks good. I smile weakly at the mirror image of my myself and observe the deep brown, loose ringlets as they rest on my shoulders.

I get myself cleaned up and dress warmly. As I sit in my car, I breathe in its thick, leather-like scent knowing that my beast would soon be gone. A heavy turmoil of emotions takes over my heart but I simply ignite the engine to start the first day of my job.

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I skip my class and spend my day researching on the Syrian conflict, arranging hardcopy of the notes and gulping down mugs of instant coffee.

By the time I'm done, my shoulders are stiff and my eyes bloodshot due to the excessive caffeine. Rachel and Mustafa left right after the lecture so I didn't get a chance to meet them. I feel exhausted hence, I decide to get back home.

But on my way, I feel the urge to visit the mosque. Partly because I miss Him and also because a small part of me halfheartedly expects to see Azan there.

Before driving to the mosque, I stop by at a car sale shop and show my car to the dealer who instantly agrees to buy since my father and I had maintained the Camaro very well. I promise to return with the car and its documents the next day.

"Allahu Akbar!" I hear the moazin(one who announces the call for prayer). I make wudhu and offer Isha prayer. I sit down with a copy of the Qur'an in my hands and caress the hard cover before I open it up.

I begin to read it and all of a sudden I feel like everything that I had bottled up inside is going to come out; as if there was Someone waiting for me to open up to Him. Subah Allah! I love you so much! I feel an urge to cry but I hold it back being aware of the audience I'd have to be embarrassed in front of.

I get up and find a copy with an English translation instead. Talk to me, Ya Rabb. I open it up randomly and my eyes fall upon Verse 28 of Surah An-Nisa:

"Allah desires that He should make your burdens light and man was created weak."

And that's when I know I can't hold it in so I cover my face with my hands and cry my heart out quietly. As I leave the women's area to go to the rest room, looking down trying to hide my face, I almost run into a man.
"I'm so sor-", I utter quickly, looking up. I stop midway and stare in shock. Azan! My heart beats fast and my stomach feels weird. "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you. I'm really sorry!", I lower my head and begin to plead.

"It's okay", his only response comes out. I wait for him to say something but he just stands there. Awkward! "Umm, you're standing on my foot", he finally says after a second of pause.

I look at his foot underneath mine and then look up at him quickly. I remove my foot in a flash and begin to apologise again. I was looking down! How could I not notice! Urgh!

He simply repeats his response and turns around but I notice something. He's smiling! He takes a step forward but then stops and turns back. He takes out a handkerchief and hands it to me. Who keeps a handkerchief, eh? What is it, a Korean drama? I take it, looking completely puzzled so he raises his eyebrows, points his index finger towards his eyes and then mine.

He leaves and I am left scolding myself in the middle of the hall. He saw you cry! You should've at least cleaned up this mess from your face! Dang it! He's the first one to actually see me cry in ages. What an idiot, Amina, what. An. Idiot!

<End of Chapter 12>