Friends Don't Kiss, Do They?

Chapter 21

Emma comes over to visit shortly after Matt had left. We sat in my room, talking about everything that has been happening. I tell her about Matt and I. She was happy for me, and wished he hadn't gone and done what she had done. She reckons we make a great couple. When we finished talking about me, I ask her about Tayvon.

At the mentioned of Tayvon, Emma sighs. She sits on the edge of my bed, staring at the carpet. There's a long pause, and at first I thought she wasn't going to speak or tell me anything. Yet again, whatever she feels towards Tayvon Parker probably isn't any of my business.

She looks up at me, turning her body to the side, getting in a comfortable position so she could face me, sitting cross-legged. "I have had feelings for Tayvon for about a year. I know he is a year younger than me, but I do like him. I have never spoken to him until he started seeing Bailey. And when I was at the beach with him the other day, I just... I just couldn't hold onto my feelings anymore. Just watching the movement of his mouth as he let out his frustration about his dad and his future, I was curious of what it would be like to kiss him."

"So, it was in the moment?"

"You could say it was. I'm such a stupid person for doing so."

I think back to when I had kissed Matt for the first time in his car. How I had felt so stupid for doing so. I still can't decide in my head if what I did was the right thing to do, or if kissing Matt was worth it. Growing up my mother had always told me that a kiss is a powerful thing. Since sharing my first kiss with him, I still can't decide how I really feel. After what Matt did, I'm completely confused about how I truly feel towards him, or how Matt feels about me. I don't know if he actually does feel for me or if he was just messing with my feelings.

It takes two people to kiss and you both have to want to. I don't understand how some people can just randomly kiss someone without developing feelings for them or even have them in the first place, using the excuse that it was just in the moment. Was it really just in the moment? Why do you want to kiss the person in the first place if that's how you really feel, letting the kiss be nothing at all? If Matt only views me as a friend, why did he kiss me?

"You're not stupid for wanting to kiss Tayvon, or wanting to express your feelings," I tell her.

She thinks for a moment, letting my words sink in. She nods. "You're right. I shouldn't feel stupid over it. What about you, Hailey? Do you regret sleeping with Matt?"

I don't answer her straight away as I recall the moment we made love for the first time. The mentioned of his name sent my heart racing. There was no denying how I really felt towards him, even if I'm really mad at him right now. Matt was my first kiss and my first time. Even if he had crushed my heart, he still meant something to me. Maybe I do regret a little allowing him to be my first time. I should have waited and not rushed into it.

I tell Emma how I feel.

"Do you still feel for Matt?" Emma wants to know.

I shrug. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. I don't know if I should be hurt, angry or confused. It's a mixture of those three. I just don't understand why Matt did what he did."

"Has he told you his side of the story?"

I shake my head. "Why? It was clear he prefers Samantha over me."

Emma shakes her head. "No, don't think like that, Hailey. There's always another side. I manage to explain myself to my sister this morning. Before she didn't want to hear what I had to say, but today she listened. She accepted my apology, and she is with Tayvon, discussing with what happened. You should hear what Matt has to say. Let him explain himself."

Emma was right. I should let Matt explain himself. But right now I don't want to see his face. I knew Samantha was part of it, and it was probably her way of getting back at me and making my life miserable. But still, there was no excuse for what Matt did. He could have pushed her off him, but he didn't. He went along with the kiss.

"When I'm ready I will allow him to talk," I say. "Right now I don't want to see him."

"Fair enough."

"So what's happening between you and Tayvon?"

"We are just going to be friends. We are putting the kiss behind us and we are both hoping Bailey will do the same, and take time back. Besides, when we kissed, there was no chemistry between us."

I smile. "That's great to hear."

We sit there in silence, thinking of what else to say.

"So, prom is coming up next week," Emma says. "Do you have a dress yet?"

Prom. The one thing I have completely forgotten about. I have been dreaming about the day since junior high, but now I wasn't sure if it was an event I was looking forward to. Prom was a big deal to many people, the one thing you prepare your entire high school life for. Getting a date was a much bigger deal. It made you feel important. But I don't think I will be going with a date at all. Matt wouldn't go with me. He would want to go with Samantha.

"No. I haven't gotten one yet," I answer. "Bailey, Abby and I have been planning to go dress shopping together. We will probably go tomorrow."

Emma smiles. "Can do you do me a favour on the night of the prom?"

"What's that?"

"Outshine Samantha. She will want to be the most important person there, but prom night is the night you show her that you're important too. Show her you aren't worthless like she thinks you are. Show her that you're beautiful and strong, and that nothing she says will bring you down. That will piss her off."

I smile at Emma's words. I couldn't say whether or not if I will be able to out shine Samantha Miller, but prom night should be the one night that all of your dreams to come true. Prom should be about each individual as you celebrate the end of high school, not settling the focus on just one person. I still wasn't sure if I was able to out shine Samantha because there was no beating her. Being the head cheerleader, she was the most popular girl.