ok this was a complete joke and a school assignment but boy did i have too much time on my hands. we had to break up with someone, like the way The Colonies did with England
Dear [friends name],
IN MY HOME, November 19, 2015.
The Declaration of a teenaged Ash,
Over the course of these middle school years, it may become needed for some people to not have their friendship anymore. We are but equals, though I a tad bit crazier, and you a tad bit more pencil like. Know that these are the reasons as to why it compels me to make this decision.
You have the same Civics teacher as I, so therefore you must know of our unalienable rights, and that the three listed are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. You have taken my life from me and transformed it into something that looks like a five year old would make and the mother would hang it on the wall, cringing at the workmanship in secret. My life has been grabbed by your hands and pulled across into a diving cliff that doesn't end- it is a bottomless pit of inside jokes, terrible puns, and an essence of acting as straight as a board. My liberty has been breached as you have done something that I shan't name at this current moment. The pursuit of Happiness has stopped for the time being whenever I was with you, alone or surrounded by friends. The history of our friendship has often included repeated injuries, some from my part, others from yours. Let me make this split a bit more cannon, as here are some facts:
You are too short for me, a tall person, to have as a friend. This may lead you to forcing me to reach the cookie jar.
You've scared me at the most inappropriate times; this has often led me to tearing up and becoming a wall of brick emotion.
You have a terrible dress sense and it makes me embarrassed.
You have repeatedly gone where no one should in regards to phones.
You have made anything turn into an inside joke with a single look towards me.
You tend to put your hands around my shoulders at the most randomest times, especially if I am feeling bad.
You have forces me to listen to 5SOS on the activity bus.
You have made me write and read things I never wanted to read.
You have the worst taste in music, and I will never forgive you for that.
You talk too much about my well being and never pay attention to yours.
You have given out my phone number and made people text me, thus reaching a limit and breaking it multiple times.
You have talked about murdering people like it is the most normal thing when taking a life is not, however you may think it, normal.
You've said some odd, pencil like words at others.
When you salute me, it looks like a tiny ball of clay with wires sticking out.
For making my locker look like a hellish place on the 18th of September.
For trying to give me a great many things when I am already carrying too much in my arms.
For making lunch a louder place than it already was and for bursting ,my eardrums.
For not telling my what your last name is just so I could simply put it on an assignment, Miss Sabah Merry Christmas, Kiss This Ass-Quinn.
For not answering your phone when I very much so needed you.
For taking heap loads of screenshots on your phone whenever we have FaceTimes.
For not deleting said FaceTimes once when I asked you, out of all the others.
For having a folder on your phone dedicated to me and my beautiful face.
You have so many inside jokes and glances that I, a smart intellectual, cannot possible be blamed for not keeping up with the things spewing from your lips.
You make absolutely no sense when talking about other people, and your describing skills seem to be six feet under.
You have left me hanging in multiple stories that you have told, some of which are just too odd and gruesome for me to write.
You have made me pick you as a person who I was to break up with out of all my friends for many of the stated problems above (but also as the fact that I was procrastinating and still had no idea who to pick as I am a generally nice person).
You read my texts and never answer them, then proceed to text others and ignore me, even though I know perfectly well you read them, that you were not mad, and that you are blatantly trying to ignore me.
In every one of theses things listed you have constantly done and repeated each act. Every time I voiced one of these problems, you have only ignored me, and caused unseen injury. Someone like that, like you, is seemingly unfit to have as a best friend, or simply a friend at that.
Periodically I have notified you, and those sentences have acted like a warning shot of what may come. May this letter be the final bullet that stops the heart of this friendship. I've reminded you of what I do not like about this friendship and that you must stop some specific points of behavior, and yet you still continue. Now, you have been acting as if you have no ears to theses complaints and to any justice that may have been put upon us as friends. May we be, as Thomas Jefferson wrote, "Enemies in War, in Peace Friends. "
I now say that in our friendship, representing my half of every conversation, written, spoken, or texted, in any argument that has ever been upheld, again, written, spoken, or texted, and in any indirect conversation that has been between other friends about us, written spoken or text, pronounce that I am ought to be gone from this friendship, and independent from anything that may have to do with it. I can act like a fully independent person, free from this friendship, and make other friends, have other arguments and act on my own decisions without needing your approval on the most serious ones. And with everything I have, I fully condemn myself to this Declaration, with friends, family, what little money I have, and the minuscule strip that is my honor.
Ash
