Trust

Trust Takes years.

As times passed I never understood the true meaning of trust. I have passed many smiling people on the streets  wondering if they are smiling because they have a good life and trust people. I made sure never to stare at people because of my curious mind but sometimes I catch myself getting a slight glance at someone who looks overly happy.

I've heard that when you trust someone you let your guard down in a way where you feel like the sun is always shining. All the walls you built were knocked down with the power of love. As you grow older you find it harder and harder to trust someone with your secrets let alone your life. If your trust is broken the walls go back up and it will take longer for them to go down again because, nothing is there to replace those walls with something or someone good for you.

I never know exactly when to trust someone, as a kid I even found it hard to trust my parents the people who have loved me from the beginning and will till the end. Some how they understood why I was so hesitent to trust them. It was like they were lieing because, I didn't even know why I couldn't trust them.

It wasn't untill I turned 12 that I could trust them in a way thats better then not trusting them at all. I still don't understand how to fully trust someone though. I'm 14 and I having nothing to look forward to and I can't count on anyone to be there with me because of my problem. The only thing I can count on is that my fear will kick in faster then a light can turn on in tense situations.

On the first day of the 8th grade was when I decided not to be the shy loner sitting in the back of the class with my face in a book. I just wasn't going to be the loud class clown though. I had my eyes on a different path, I was going for a low key outgoing humerous kind of person. I tried to do that, but its kind of hard when you have no friends and no one has made any type of contact with me.

I found my self fast walking to my classes and making sure I didn't make any contact with no one. Of course my plan fails. As I'm walking to a seat in my class I bump into someone. without looking I appolagize and keep walking but, something stopped me in my way. A boy with green glistening eyes and hair wavy as an ocean. I catch my self stareing in his eyes. Then he smiles. My eyes opened more and I was frozen stareing at this kid who has'nt moved or spoke yet and I'm not sure what to do really.

"You dropped this." He finally spoke

I broke from my trance and saw he was holding my kneckless.

"Uhh Thankyou." I say then walk away.

Ugh why did I walk away. I find my seat and put my kneckless on. I should have put it on this morning then I could have avoided him much better then I did. It just gets worse. He sits down in the desk behind me. I notice these desks aren't really that comfortable and they have a smell of sweat and dust. I hadn't even noticed that class has started and our teacher is just going on about his summer. All I have heard so far is something about cats and a new house.

When I get nervouse I sometimes find myself focusing on something errelavent to the setting I'm in. Like right now I'm more concerned on the smelly dek then getting to know my teacher im stuck with for a while. I look around the room at all of these normal looking kids. They all are in deep focus on what the teacher is talking about. I'm starting to wonder if what the teacher is talking about really important.

I find myself starring at the clock, only two minutes left in this class and it feels like the clock is moving extra slow today. Once the bell rings I wait till everbody else got up before I moved an inch off my chair. Once I see everyone up I slowly gather my things together and go towards the door. When I get to the door everyone was already of the room. I reach for the handle and turn it. Once I make it to the hallway its empty. I turn left and ram into the same kid I did earlier, this time dropping my stuff all over the ground. I turn around in fear and slap my forehead. Once I calm down I turn around and find this kid had already picked my stuff up on the ground and is holding looking at me with a sympathetic look on his face.

"So are you new here?" He asks.

"Yeah" I reply. I take my stuff from him, we head down the hallway walking together.

"Whats your name?"

Some how this kid makes me feel less scared.

"Lauren." I reply, still not making any contact with him.

"Oh I'm Ricky, where were you before?" He asks that like he really wants to know.

"I came from Jeff County."

He looks at me a little confused and then he understands.

"Isn't that a private school?" He spits out.

"Yeah it is but, not a very good one if you ask me." I joke.

He doesn't say anything else he just nodds and we make our way to our classes I went right he went left that was the last I saw of him that day.