Trust

To Build...

I made it home not sure what to make out of what happened today. I found it was hard to focus on anything after that. I was eating dinner when I realized there was a way to find out more about this boy. On the school website there is a list of the kids who go to the school. But you have to be a student or staff to see the list luckily I'm a student.

Once I found the list I realized I had to narrow the search. I searched for guys with the name Ricky. To my surprise there weren't that many. I finally found him, I know this is kind of stalkerish but whats wrong with wanting to know who I'm talking to. It turns out this kids' name is Ricky Clark he's 14.

I fell asleep a little more settled tonight. It's just something about this boy that makes me want to jump from my seat and yell in excitment.

I made sure to be nicer to this kid today. I saw him in my first class again our teacher decided to actually teach something today. We did exactly what we did yestersay walked in the hallway together. We actually turned out to have lunch together too.

I wasn't really sure what to talk about with this boy at all. He just is so welcoming. It's the end of the day and he finds me at the exit. He grabs my hand and pulls me to the side of the other side of the hallway before I could leave. He just stares at me.

"Lauren, I really like your hair. I also think your eyes are beautiful." He says confidently.

I look him in the eyes. We both lean in to eachother, my eyes are shutting as our lips collide for a split second I felt love and freedom. When we came apart that feeling disapeared, and he noticed.

"Lauren are you okay" He wonders

I just look him in the eyes and nod. "Its just that was the first time i've ever felt loved and free." It's true, because I was so distant with my parents I didn't get to feel their full love for me.

"What do you mean? Don't you have parents?" He asks.

"I.. do but, never mind I have to go. Bye Ricky." I run out of there. I'm so mad he asked that, i's my fault that I haven't felt their full love. I saw Ricky sitting against the tree when I looked back. He had a sad look on his face. I stop running and stand there for a second. I saw a tear going down his face, then one goes down my face at a slow pace.

I wipe it away. Something about his sad eyes and dropped shoulders draws me closer and closer. I start walking towards Ricky when he looks up and makes perfect eye contact with me. He starts to stand up slowly, making sure he wont scare me and I run again. He looks at me with a half smile but, you could still see the raging sadness in his eyes. When we are close enough to touch I stop, and look down at my shoes. That's when Ricky tries to be funny and squats down and finds my face.

"So is this the level I need to be at to talk to you?" He jokes

I laugh then more tears fall out of my eyes. I sink to his level and sit with legs crossed. He smiles. His smile made me fall apart it felt like my walls were broken down. I feel something I've never felt before, I feel a giant smile forming one that has never formed. I mean I have smiled before but, never one as big as the one that's forming. He looks into my eyes and I can't hold it in anymore I let out one of the most rare things for me. I let out a genuine smile of happiness.

He grabbed my face and looked me in the eyes. He's really good at making someone comfort and just a look.

" So Lauren who are you?" He says like he is my doctor or something.

"Well, my full name is Lauren Rose Storm and I have a serious problem with trust and love. I did at least until I met you." I shyly replied but, I still keep straight eye contact with him. "What about you, who are you.?

"Well my full name is Ricky Alexander Clark and I have a serious crush on you. I'm hoping I can help break your walls and you can learn to trust one day." He smiles.

Ricky and I didn't say anything else, we didn't need too. We both had to leave though. He gave me a paper with his number on it then we both left.

I got home and placed that piece of paper on my desk and plugged my headphones into my ipod and blasted the most Alternative music there is out there. Listening to my music was most important to me when I'm in situations where I don't know what to do. I feel that I can be anything around him and do anything around him. Am I bulding a trust with him?

I'm not really sure actually if I am or not. I wanna do somethings that have never passed my mind ever. I want to call him. I grab my phone and take out my earbuds. I dial his number. When the phone starts ringing my heart beats faster and I get goose bumps, he answers.

"Hello?"

"Hi Ricky it's Lauren." I speak

"Hey."

"I just wanted to thank you for sitting and talking with me today."

"No problem Lauren, I'm there for you whenever you need me." He sounded so genuine and I felt it.

"I'll see you tomorrow Ricky." I hang up and fall onto my bed. when I heared a noise outside my door. "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?" They open the door to my question.

"Who were you talking to?" My mom asks. I just stare at her. "Okay darling we'll leave."

I lay down for so long thinking about him and if I trust him or not. I need to know